Red Ribbon Diaries

Strling's Debut Novel Hits Amazon!

2012-01-29T05:06:00.000-08:00

The Silence of Mercy Bleu's Paper release is one month away, but I have even better news to share! Are you excited? I know I am. As of TODAY The Silence of Mercy Bleu is LIVE on Amazon.com and KRP is offerring Kindle readers a limited-time (today and tomorrow only) promotion. Get a first glimpse of The Silence of Mercy Bleu and it's beautiful cover-art at Amazon.com. Cheers!

Read a never before seen excerpt and reviews:

(Coming soon)

Women and HIV

2012-01-24T09:28:00.000-08:00

My recent interview with BettyConfidential was probably one of the most candid (and enjoyable) interviews I've done to date. If you've ever wondered what it's really like to be a woman living with HIV today, well, read on! You may be pleasantly surprised. Times, they are changing!

Three women. Three very unique and inspiring stories of living with HIV. I'm so humbled (and proud) to be sandwhiched between these two remarkable ladies. I think you'll enjoy reading these stories about everything from motherhood to dating, and yes, I even answer the big question about S-E-X!

I've pasted my interview below, and you can read all of our stories in the online magazine Betty Confidential

“I want to see my children cured of HIV.”

Suzan Stirling is a 45-year-old mother, AIDS activist, and writer. Diagnosed with HIV at the age of 29, she lives in Kentucky with her husband, two biological children, and an adopted son from Ethiopia whose birth parents died from AIDS.

How did you find out that you were HIV-positive?

I’ll never forget that phone call. It came shortly after we brought our son home from the hospital. He’d been very sick and in and out of intensive care for months with a respiratory virus that his body wasn’t fending off. I was at my mother’s house when I got the call that literally saved his life. It was a new doctor. She was quick to the point. She said, ‘Something in your son’s blood work warrants an AIDS test. I suggest your whole family be tested.’ I just remember thinking, ‘I’m going to have to watch my children die.’ I didn’t think I was strong enough to handle that. That was sixteen years ago. I’d unknowingly contracted the virus in 1985 (before I’d met my husband) from a young man I’d been engaged to who I was told, years later, had died of cancer. Back then we didn’t even think that women or heterosexual men were at risk, but we know better now. At the time I was diagnosed, I’d carried the virus for nearly ten years without ever knowing it. I’ve lived with HIV for a total of twenty-six years now, more than half of my life.

How often do you visit a doctor?

I have a wonderful ID doctor who I see once every few months. Our visits run like clockwork. He accesses my health, orders the appropriate tests, and always asks me point blank, ‘How are you doing?’ My answer, I’m thankful to say is always, ‘I’m doing great.’ And I am. Amazingly, my viral load–– which is the amount of virus that can be detected in the blood––remains undetectable, and my CD-4 count (immune system count) is better than the average “healthy” person. I’m happy to say that all of my children are doing equally well. We’re very fortunate to have access to life saving treatment. I think it’s hard for people to even fathom that in other parts of the world, like Africa, where my adopted son is from, people are still dying every day from AIDS, a disease that’s now completely treatable.

What side effects do you experience from your medication?

In the early years, after my diagnosis, the medicines I took were very difficult and the side effects almost intolerable --s o much so that at one point I stopped taking them. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I thought, if this is how my life is going to be, I’d rather take my chances. They were making me that sick. Today, it’s a whole different story: due to some wonderful advances in medicine and an experienced clinician, my medicines are easy to take and I have no side effects from them. I take three pills in the evening and two in the AM. That’s it. Simple. I feel like I’m living the best years of my life, right now.

How has your diagnosis changed you?

I almost want to say, ‘How has it not changed me?’ because to be completely honest, you can’t go through what I’ve been through -- any life-threatening illness really -- be it cancer or what have you, and not come out a completely changed person. HIV is even more difficult because unlike cancer, it’s a disease that so many people suffer with in silence, myself included, for many years. I was so fearful of what people would think of me, or worse, that they’d be afraid of me. There were so many things that I had to work through to get to where I am today. HIV forced me to be a much braver, more open person, and I’m thankful for that.

How did your family and friends react to your diagnosis?

So much love. So much support … there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for the family, friends and even total strangers who have built this palatial wall of support around my children and our family. They are the reason we’re healthy and whole today. They’re the reason we’re able to openly share our status and story with others.

How do those outside of your inner circle react when you disclose your diagnosis?

I remember my son needing a surgery years back, and my telling the doctor, ‘My son is HIV positive…’ thinking this would be a problem. She just looked at me and said, ‘Okay, that doesn’t change anything. I can help your son. I’m not worried about the HIV.’ This woman was a complete stranger. Moments like that you don’t forget.

I understand people’s fear of HIV (I used to be one of those people) and I also know that a little education goes a long way. I encourage people to ask me questions. We just need to open the lines of communication.

How has HIV affected your romantic relationships?

I’m glad that someone finally had the guts to ask this question because it’s a really important one that deserves an honest answer. We need to feel free to talk openly about (and this will make my teens cringe) sex and intimate relationships. Plus, I like talking about sex. I also enjoy the act of lovemaking very much and have been doing it on a regular basis for the last twenty-four years of my marriage … before and yes, after finding out that I had HIV. I can’t speak for everyone in a romantic relationship where one or both are positive, but for my husband and I, although we’ve had bumps and dips in our marriage like any couple, sex has never been one of them. Maybe that’s because we’d already been together for almost ten years before I was diagnosed, I don’t know, but what I do know is that people meet and fall in love every day. HIV isn’t going to stop that.

In fact, in my novel I’ve addressed the “sex” issue with what’s probably the first sex scene EVER written to involve a condom! Plus, with today's treatment the virus is suppressed to such low levels that it makes transmission highly unlikely. What I’m trying to say is we're not so different from everyone else. What I’m trying to say is that HIV doesn’t change that we’re still human. We still have desires, and a need to love and be loved. I used to tell my daughter when she first started dating that HIV would weed out the Mr. Wrongs, but wouldn’t matter to that special Mr. Right. It’s true. With the right person and knowledge as your ally, HIV won’t stop you from finding that special someone to share your life with.

Do people treat you differently because you have HIV? How does that feel?

No, I really don’t think so, only because I don’t act differently. I’ve got a pretty healthy attitude and after having lived with HIV for so many years, it’s like anything else¬–you grow with it, you become more comfortable, and I think that people pick up on that. I’m not worse for having HIV; if anything, I’m better for having survived it.

What is the hardest part of living with HIV?

A few years ago, I would have said not being able to talk about my disease openly. Today, the hardest part for me is feeling that I have a responsibility to talk about it openly. It’s not easy for me to share my story, there are some really painful moments I don’t like to re-live, but I’ll keep doing it because if it helps one person, then it’s worth it to me.

In which ways do you take a stand for those who have HIV or AIDS?

Over the years my family and I have had the opportunity to work with a number of amazing organizations including The National AIDS Memorial Grove, amfAR, and The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation –– an organization dedicated to ending mother to infant transmission around the world. My goal is to facilitate HIV awareness and help end mother to infant transmission of HIV, a goal that’s been achieved here in the United States, and with support and necessary funding there’s no doubt in my mind, we’ll one day achieve those goals around the world. You can learn more about what I’m doing to help in the fight against HIV/AIDS by visiting my blog (http://www.redribbondiaries.blogspot.com/)

Your biggest fear:

My biggest fear used to be losing my children. I don’t fear that anymore. I know that they’ll live long, productive lives and that makes me happier than I can even express. My biggest worry today is health coverage. If I didn’t have health insurance, my medicine alone would cost over two thousand dollars a month. So, yes, my biggest fear is that something could happen, I could lose my health insurance, and then not be able to afford the medicine that keeps me healthy.

You’ve written a novel, The Silence of Mercy Bleu, which will be coming out in March 2012. The main character in the book has HIV -- can you tell us how closely your fictional story relates to your own personal story?

The Silence of Mercy Bleu was a story that had been stirring inside of me for years. I always knew that my first novel would be a story about a young woman with AIDS because it's a topic so close to my heart, but to answer your question: Is Mercy's story similar to my own? I'd like to say that my life and my experiences have been exciting enough to conjure up a "best-seller" but truth be told, probably not! What I am, though, is an avid observer; I love to watch and wonder. In actuality, the character of Mercy and her life experiences are vastly different from my own. I did that intentionally. But the feelings of isolation and shame -- the stigma that my character faces, those are very real things that many people living with the secret of HIV, myself included, have experienced first-hand.

What do you want most out of life?

What a great question. I want to make a difference. I want my life and my journey to have meant something. I want a lifetime of happiness. I want to love and be loved. I want to learn something new each day. I want to live. I want to see my children cured of HIV. I want… I guess I want a lot of things. But, if I had to boil it down to the one thing I want most, the thing I can’t live without, it would be a life filled with hope because with hope, I truly believe that all things become possible.

What's something you wish everyone knew about people who are living with AIDS?

I want them to know that HIV is just an illness. It doesn’t define who a person is, any more than a person who is diagnosed with cancer, or hepatitis, or diabetes. Get to know the person and then you’ll see beyond the stigma, beyond the disease. More than anything, people living with HIV need your compassion. Give us a hug. I can’t tell you how much that simple gesture means to a person living with HIV.

What would you tell women and girls who have just been diagnosed with HIV?

This is important. I would tell them that your life is not over. Don’t let HIV stop you from realizing your full potential. Be brave, be hopeful, be kind…and all good things will find you.

Anything else you want to share with our readers?

I just want to thank BettyConfidential and its editors for giving me this opportunity to share my story with readers on such an important day, World AIDS Day. And to all who read this: Be brave. Get tested. Knowing your status is your best defense against HIV/AIDS.

To learn about Suzan’s upcoming novel visit SuzanStirling.com.

Look Who's READING...

2012-01-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

My mom and my husband are reading my novel for the first time today, and I have to tell you it's quite exciting--as in the nail-biting, I've had way too much coffee kind of exciting, if you really want the truth!

I've not heard from Mom yet, but my husband is sitting across the room from me right now, feet propped up in an easy chair with my book open on his lap. He's reading my story for the first time. This is monumental....and fun for me watch. He's so engrossed that every now and again, he'll read a sentence out loud. I'll look up and say, "Did you say something?" And he doesn't even hear me. This tickles me to no end.

He's an hour into my story now. I can't resist. "What do you think of Damon?" I ask him.

"He's a prick,"he says without so much as taking his eyes off the page.

Good! This is what I want everyone to think of Damon. Now I'm smiling.

If I didn't think the flash would disturb my husband (and if he weren't wearing only boxers) I might take a picture. Oh well, I suppose I'll just commit this epic moment to memory--well, memory and this little 'ol blog : )

The Silence of Mercy Bleu,coming out in E-book (this weekend!) and Trade-Paper (March 2012).This story and subject is one that you'll want to share and I look forward to having you read my novel for the first time. No pictures...I promise. But what I will be doing these next few weeks is giving away a few ARCs. ARCs are books before the books, aka. Advance Reader Copies which are sent out to important people to gain reviews. But yes, I've managed to save a few and I can't wait to share them with you!

To find out more about The Silence of Mercy Bleu ARC contest give-away, Visit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Suzan-Stirling/126461867430578

Hallelujah

2012-01-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

It (really) was the night before Christmas...I'd just finished wrapping the last of the gifts and my office was a total wreck. I was taking a break when I heard my fifteen-year-old son playing the guitar and singing. I thought he sounded pretty good, then his big sister joined in and I couldn't believe it.

I pulled them back into my study, sat them down in front of my computer's webcam, and said sing it again. This is what transpired...a funny, touching video of my kids singing the song Hallelujah.

"Hallelujah" is a word that means rejoice, or God be praised, and that's what I feel like doing every time I look at my children and think about how far we've come since those early days before our diagnosis.

My daughter wants to be a teacher and I'm not sure if my son will grow-up to be a comedian, a singer, or a scientist, but I do know that this video always makes me laugh, always makes me smile and ALWAYS fills my heart with joy. I'll forever cherish the memory of this special night before Christmas when my two oldest sang Hallelujah, and meant it. Here's to healthy, happy kids. Here's to one day finding a cure. For this day and for tomorrow, I am so grateful... Hallelujah!

A Season of HOPE!

2011-12-17T06:34:00.000-08:00

This truly is a season of HOPE for my family. We are blessed with good health and there is no greater gift than that. Perhaps one day, no child, brother, or family will have to succumb to AIDS. That is my wish...

My family and I are so proud to be part of amfAR and their "Making AIDS History" campaign. Please take a moment to click on the link and learn more about how you can help us win the fight against AIDS. There's ground breaking research happening right now, and amfAR is leading the way!

Have a beautiful, healthy holidays, friends!

Be Blessed,

Suzan

Child Banned from Attending School...in 2011??

2011-12-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

I don't like to admit it, but I used to be one of those people who had irrational fears about HIV and how it was transmitted. It wasn't that I was a bad person, I just didn't have accurate information.

When I watched this story about the 13-year-old boy being banned from school, my heart sank. My thoughts and prayers really go out to this family and this child. Years ago, one of my biggest fears about "coming out" about our status was that this could happen to us. My children being ostracized at school was my biggest fear. A fear that proved to be completely unwarranted. When we disclosed to our schools, people came out in groves to support us. The schools, faculty, students, parents, even complete strangers rallied around our children in a show support. I'll never forget it. I wish it were the same for this family.

The good news is that there's a lot of good information out there now about HIV. Did you know that today's medicines supress the virus to such low levels that trasmission (even from blood, fluids, etc.) is unlikely? I just find it sad that in this day and age a child is being banned from school for being honest about his status. What are your thoughts? Why are we still having this problem?

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Doin' the "Hivvy" dance ; )

2011-10-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

If you've ever watched Scrubs, you'll remember the infamous episode where Dr. Turk has to tell one of his patients that he has HIV. Sure, the news was going to be crushing, but it wasn't a death sentence anymore, either ... hence the infamous "Hivvy" dance was born. Well, Alee and I loved that episode so much, that when Alee found out that "Scrubs" actor Donald Faison, aka Dr. Turk, was going to be at the EGPAF's "A Time For Heroes," she decided to track him down for an autograph, and you won't believe what happened next...: )

Worth the Wait

2011-10-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue...okay, whatever you say! I'll be the first to admit that when I want something, I want it now. That's not to say that I don't have patience. It has become one of my better "learned" qualities. Writing novels and publishing them takes years. The average time span to write a book is a year, add the months it takes your agent to sell it, and another year to eighteen months for it to see the light of day at Barnes and Nobel...you see where I'm going with this. *Deeeep breath* Patience.

Why? Because some things are just worth waiting for––your soul mate...a sunrise...that friend you know you'll never find in anyone else. Or maybe it's a child you're struggling to adopt, and you're stuck waiting and wondering what will happen next. The waiting is never easy, is it? At least not for me, but I'll do it again and again if necessary because the rewards are ten-fold.

So, my question for you is this: What is it that you're waiting and wanting for? A funny thing happens when we put our intentions out into the Universe...good things start to happen. I remember the first time I had the courage to say I was a writer to a small group of women that I was dining with. I said it while looking down at my salmon and barely louder than a whisper, but I did say it. That was a big step for me. After all, I had only gotten a piece or two published at the time...and the thought of me writing a novel? A shy girl, who, after one too many moves dropped out of school, a girl who had few skills, but could type a little, who went to work as a secretary at age seventeen to help support her mom who was sick and on disability. A young woman, who, at barely twenty-one had gotten married so that she'd finally have a rock...someone to hold onto, a woman who's world came crashing down when, at the age of twenty-nine, she learned that she and her two children were HIV positive. Funny, but it was the most devastating thing in my life that changed my life ultimately for the better...I became determined to pass a better legacy onto my children. For the first time, I got it. This was my life and with God as my guiding force, anything I could hope for was possible. I had to go for it. I had to survive what was then considered unsurvivable. More than anything, I wanted to see my children grow-up. I wanted them to be healthy. God answered my prayer in a bigger way than I could have imagined. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want or need. Prayers are answered every day.

But it takes courage to set your dreams into motion, and who was I to think that I could be an author? That was crazy. So what. I put it out there anyway.

What I'm trying to say, is own your desires....whatever they are and no matter how impossible they seem–taking small steps now to make something bigger happen up the road can change your world for the better. Is there work and planning involved? Sure. For me personally, I had to go back to school. I had to grow. I had to learn to be open and trust my instincts. I had to learn to believe in myself. Not everything we need or want is going to happen over night...in fact, the best things rarely do. But we've all heard the old adage, that some things are worth the wait. It's so, so true.

I know that many of you are getting eager to read my debut novel, The Silence of Mercy Bleu. I just want to say thank you for all your kind words and support on what has been quite an incredible journey...worth the wait, for sure!

HOP ABOARD! IT'S MAMA-TAXI : )

2011-09-09T03:17:00.000-07:00

When we moved, Alee and Mitch (who'd gone to the same schools since they were little) didn't want to change (something I could totally relate to, having come from a childhood where I'd moved a lot). So, we opted for an in district transfer where they didn't have to change schools. Every day (morning and afternoon) I'd drive back and forth, about thirty miles total. Three kids, three different schools! It was a handful, but we managed.

Now, with Alee off in college, and it being just me and the (growing taller by the milli-second) boys, the pace has slowed some. A good day goes off without a hitch. I get Yonas off the bus and we ride together to pick up his older brother. It takes about an hour both ways, including wait time, give or take a pit stop at one of three fast food chains we pass along the way. Yonas and I catch-up–talk about his day–what he did in school, but mostly we talk about what he ate for lunch, while he finishes his snack. Seems this "growing" boy is always hungry : ) Once we're parked at the high school, Yonas turns his attention to homework, and I like to use those quiet twenty minutes to read or edit a few pages of whatever I'm working on. It's funny, but I get some of my best ideas while sitting in my car...just waiting. I've come up with things that have so inspired me that I've written them down on the back of crumpled receipts, old McDonald bags, and would you believe that the blurb for The Silence of Mercy Bleu (HERE) was jotted down with a red crayon! Hey, whatever works, right?

A lot of thought and a tremendous amount of work goes into the making of a novel, and it's a known fact that very few first novels go on to be published. I'll just say that I feel very privileged for this opportunity. To my family, my agent and publisher, and all of you who believed this was an important story–one that needed to be told, a big "Thank you!" I appreciate you all so much.

Coming in September, I'll have more good news and fun tid-bits, along with some pics of this months big AIDS WALK event in Louisville! Oh, and I almost forgot ... The Silence of Mercy Bleu now has an official Fan Page! Thanks to all of you who have helped it grow in numbers!

Like it HERE or THERE in the sidebar >>

and you could be the lucky winner of a signed copy of The Silence of Mercy Bleu.

Eliminating Pediatric AIDS–Yes, We Can!

2011-08-30T03:15:00.000-07:00

The task of eliminating or curing HIV/AIDS may look like a daunting task, but today more than ever it's an achievable goal. We already have the tools to keep people with HIV living healthy, productive lives, but we also have the capability to prevent mother-to-infant transmission––not only here in the United States, but everywhere around the world. All it takes is access to medicines; a couple of pills a day! As a mother with three children, two biological and one adopted from Ethiopia (all of whom were born with HIV) that means so much to me. Most of us can't imagine being a mother whose only hope is to have a child born free of HIV. Back in 1990, when I was pregnant with my first child, even if I'd known that I carried the virus, we didn't know how to prevent transmission. Not so for women today. With the technology now available, no child should be born with with this totally preventable disease. I'm here to say that we can help make that a reality.

Elizabeth Glaser once said, "Sometimes in life there is that moment when it's possible to make a change for the better. This is one of those moments." That was such a profound statement and one that still holds true. Elizabeth was a wife and mother who made it her mission to fund the very research that's made it possible for children to be born HIV-free. There's no one that worked harder, and what she started so many years ago is still going strong today. If you want to make a difference in the lives of children and families who desperately need our help visit The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation www.pedaids.org to learn more.

"Making AIDS History"

2011-08-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

What an unforgettable experience... to be a part of amfAR's "Making AIDS History" Campaign. I'll never forget the people I met and the bonds that were forged in the two days it took to shoot this video. Their stories, as you'll see, are truly amazing and full of heart...as are they. To view my family's story, along with six other stories that are sure to fill you with hope and inspiration please visit: http://www.makingaidshistory.org/

Pencils...Crayons, and Glue-Sticks, OH MY!!

2011-08-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

Seeing these two boys go from being complete strangers, just five years ago, to being true "brothers" has been one of the most profound experiences of my life, but I'll get mushy about that later. Right now, I'm too busy! With school just around the corner I've been doing the mad dash to get everything done. Yonas, my little guy, will be a big 4th grader this year! He is the best kid ever, and as you can see by the fuzzy cell-phone pic (sorry, can't find the camera) he's growing very tall, very fast. He also loves football : )

It's been a really great summer, but still I think we're all ready and excited for the year ahead.

Yesterday was Mitch's registration at his high school. While there, we got a moment to talk to one of his school guidance counselors who was extremely helpful in mapping out his course of study. Mitch, at only fifteen, has big dreams. He's very mature and thoughtful for his age; a whiz in Math, Science––part writer, part artist, like me. At only age fourteen, he had his first story published in a literary magazine that his school puts out once a year. Talk about a proud mom moment. He's also musical...likes to listen to Mozart...symphonies even, and is a self-taught pianist. We'll be in the car and I'll say, "Mitch, can we please turn off the Beethoven and put on some Michael Buble or something?"

"But mom, listen...this is so amazing!"

I think he is amazing. Anyhow, Mitch's dream is to be a pharmacist after he graduates and we found out through his counselor yesterday that his school offers a pharmacy tech program that he'll be able to enroll in his senior year. He'll have to double up on math next year as his goal is to take a calculus class before graduation. I tried to talk him out of the heavy course load. "Don't you just want to have fun your senior year?"

He just smiled, "Mom, math is fun...trust me."

Yeah, I'm still shaking my head over that one!

Three years and I've got another one college bound. Wow, this beautiful life really is flying...

My Guardian Angel Story

2011-08-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

Woman's World Magazine-August 2011 issue #32

My Guardian Angel by Suzan Stirling-Meredith

When we pray for help, help always arrives--often in the most remarkable way.

As I sat beside my baby boy In the hospital, I suddenly knew what it meant for a heart to break.

There he lay in the NICU, a thick tube jutting from his mouth, his tiny chest rising and falling to the rhythm of a machine. Diagnosed with asthma and RSV, a respiratory virus that his newborn immune system couldn't fend off, he'd been fighting for weeks. Now, doctors were candid: Things weren't looking good.

Though I'd prayed constantly since the day Mitchell had been born, my hope was running on empty as I left the hospital that evening, planning to make a quick dash to tuck my daughter in for the night at my mom's before I returned.

But the roads were still covered in ice, and it was going to take forever. Tears welling in my eyes, desperate to see my little girl and equally desperate to return to my baby, I began to pray: "God, We've done all that we know how to do. I'm giving this to you now. Please make him well, or take him. Just don't let him suffer anymore."

Now, my tears streaming so hard I could barely see, I pulled to the shoulder, where I lay my head on the steering wheel. "And please," I whispered, "help me..."

Just then, the car filled with the glorious scent of freshly cut summer lilies.

The fragrance was so clear, so strong, that I stopped crying. I scanned the car, even rolling down the window to find the source of the scent. But there was nothing around to explain it, nothing but snow. And suddenly, a deep wave of peace poured through me.

He's going to make it, I knew.

Later that night, I told my husband, "It was Mitchell's angel. I know it was." And it must have been, because from that day forward our son began to improve.

Though the long battle he'd fought had left him with cerebral palsy, Mitchell was alive––a blessing of love, and a warrior who has bravely overcome every obstacle he's faced since. And I never forgot the beautiful message the angels sent to me.

Still, I'd never shared the story with my children. Not until last summer...

"I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." my daughter said. "A yellow lily."

Just then Mitch, now a strapping tall teenager, walked into the room. "Like these?" he asked, placing a vase of the blooms, cut from our backyard, on the table. And as the flowers' perfume wafted through the air ... I remembered.

"Why are you crying, Mom?" Mitch asked, slinging a protective arm around my shoulders.

Overcome, I said, "I have something to tell you ..." And as I shared the memory of that night, and how the scent of freshly cut lilies––the very scent that filled the room now––had carried me through one of the most difficult times of my life, I thanked the angels once again for that long-ago beautiful message, letting me know my boy would be just fine.

Plan B

2011-07-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. Every three months we load the kiddos up and off we go to St. Jude's. Because we travel for their appointments, the day typically starts at about 5 am. When we land in Memphis we're met by a driver who takes us from the airport to the hospital.

Once at St. Jude's, there are blood drawings, well check-ups, and a multitude of other things all sandwiched into the space of a few hours. Everything generally runs like clockwork, and the kids love seeing everyone at St. Jude. It's pretty obvious that they enjoy caring for the kids too. I can't sing their praises enough. It's been awhile since I've made the trip on my own. It's no big secret that I have a fear of flying. My palms get sweaty just thinking about it.

There aren't too many things in this world that make me shake in my shoes––public speaking, flying, centipedes, freeways, flying... Did I mention flying? Because of this, my sweet husband usually does the day trip with the kids, but this time there was a ticket mix-up and I'm stuck like chuck. Flying solo. Help me@!!

Usually, when there's flying to be done, I resort to what I refer to as Plan A: This consists of two cocktails (preferably Bloody Mary's) tossed back in quick succession just before the plane starts to shimmy down the runway. Although this works wonders on vacation jaunts, I doubt this would go over too well before the kids' doctor appointment. Which means I'll have to resort to the dreaded Plan B.

Plan B, you ask? It's pretty cut and dry, and calls for courage. Which means, I'll just have to face my fear like the cool-under-pressure, gutsy woman that I know resides within me somewhere. (Deep Breath) Yes, that's what I'm gonna do...

Here's to St. Jude's and all they do for kids, our safe journey, and to being back on the ground SOON : )

Suzan

No Fear...Hope is Here

2011-07-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow." – Orison Swett Marden

Just recently The New York Times posted this very interesting article about a study supporting the use of anti-virals to ward off HIV-infection. They proposed using it in people who are believed to be at high risk, but did you also know that antivirals can be used for "possible" HIV exposure? As a mother with three school age children who are positive, I felt confident–nothing could happen. I mean, what were the chances that my child would scrape knees at the same exact time with another child, or any of the other (never could happen) bodily contact scenerios that might go through your head?

The odds were a million to one. I would have banked my life on it. Even so, in 2008, shortly after Yonas was adopted, we made the decision as a family to let each of our children's schools, including their PE teachers, know about their HIV status. Why? There were a number of factors, but the biggest was that keeping it a secret had become a burden even larger than the illness itself. It was just "time," was how my daughter put it.

Have I ever regretted that decision? Never–not even once. I think that after hiding it for so many years, being able to have it out in the open felt like becoming a free man after a life-long confinement. I don't think I realized, while we were going through it, what a toll keeping the secret had become.

Disclosure is a very personal decision, and one that should not be taken lightly, especially where young children are concerned. In our case, it was the right decision at the right time. I know that there are other mothers and families out there struggling with these same issues and I hope that my story offers reasurance and hope.

In lieu of all the recent news about the success of anti-virals for post exposure, I think it fitting to reshare this story, "A Mother's Worst Nightmare."

Do not fear the unknown, but instead arm yourself with education––

Suzan

*Questions or comments? I love to hear from my readers! Comment below or e-mail me at Suzan1111@insightbb.com

A Time For Heroes 2011

2011-06-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

They surfed. They danced. They ate foot-long chili dogs ... Santa Monica may never be the same ; ) Every year we look forward to the EGPAF's "A Time For Heroes" event and this year was pretty amazing. There was a new buzz in the air ... a lot of talk about ending pediatric HIV/AIDS once and for all. If you're not familiar with them, the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is an incredible organization whose mission is to prevent pediatric HIV infection and to eradicate pediatric AIDS throughout the world. They plan on doing this through research, advocacy, and prevention and treatment programs.

This year's event, I'm pleased to say, raised an amazing $1.1 million! That should help a lot of mothers and babies win this fight. I know there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God that my children and I live in a country where we have access to the medicine that saved our lives.

And would you just look at those smiles? Here's a recap of our day in pictures...Thanks for stopping by.

Mitch catches a wave. If you've never caught a plastic rip-curl, it's a must! Look at my son mastering that board ... why, he's a natural!
Yonas and "Chuck" hanging out ... and yes, they are both really this cute.
Hangin' ten! She makes it look SO easy! : )
That's the ever so talented Joey D. on the drums and his side-kick (aka, my son Yonas) showing us some NEVER before seen dance moves. He popped, he moon-walked, he rocked the dance floor : )

Ending pediatric AIDS is no longer an impossible goal. In fact, we have more hope now than ever before. If you want to learn more please visit www.pedaids.org .

First Man Cured of HIV

2011-06-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

Five Pages...

2011-06-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

I have much to be grateful for and most days I'm brimming with happiness, but these last couple of hours today, I admit, I'm a complete and utter mess; crying–snot running, the whole nine yards. I wonder if all writers get this engrossed in they're work, or maybe it's that I'm just so close to it. This chapter that I'm re-vising is only five pages, roughly a thousand words, but at times it feels as if my heart is breaking on the page. Writing about those first terrifying moments when I realized that my baby wasn't breathing right, and the hours of chaos that followed will never be easy. There was the emergency room, my baby's lips turning blue ... that receptionist that said we'd have to fill out paperwork–wait our turn like everybody else; the sheer panic of knowing that we couldn't wait. The doctors surprised faces when my husband and I burst through the ER doors with our son in hand, demanding–begging for someone–anyone, to please help us. That frozen moment as they took in the frightening sight of us. Mitchell's baby blanket dropping to the floor. The doctor who sprang into action first, taking Mitchell from our arms, and the frenzy that followed as they worked to save our son. Five pages. One thousand words. I can do this. I can do this, because I know these five pages are important. They are a catalyst toward something bigger and better, and if not for our struggles, my family wouldn't be where we are today. Although there are some heartbreaking moments, this isn't a story about heartbreak, it's a story about family, love, triumph and yes–miracles.

Writing It Down

2011-05-30T15:34:00.001-07:00

A couple of years ago, I set out to write a memoir. I wanted to share my story of adoption and raising children with HIV, but half-way through the rough draft I decided I wasn't quite ready. My family and our story was still evolving–still growing. So, I stuck in in a drawer where I imagined it would stay for a little while. How long, exactly? I wasn't sure. I then went on to write my first novel, The Silence of Mercy Bleu, which I'm thrilled to say will be released in early March 2012. Needless to say, this is a very exciting time for me.

The plan, after finishing my novel, was simple. It was to go onto the next story, and then the next after that. In fact, I'd already finished outlines for my next three books, but like I always say, life is full of surprises!

A few months ago I had this vivid dream that I was holding a book in my hands. Not just any book–a memoir–my memoir to be exact. I could see the cover. The art. Even the title, and I was marveling over the beauty of it. Then I woke up ... ready and incredibly eager to finish it.

AND if you don't believe in serendipity... Not long after my decision to pull out the memoir, I received an e-mail–from (get this) a publisher who'd happened across my blog and wanted to know if I had plans to finish the memoir. If so, they would be interested. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I pulled said memoir out and started typing ... even faster.

With the rough draft now complete, I'm starting in on the first edit. Writing my own "real life" story, I must say, is very different than writing fiction. I'm more emotionally vested and it can be taxing at times, re-living the difficult moments and the struggles, but more often than not, it is an incredibly rewarding experience. Writing it, like living it has become a journey in and of itself; truly meaningful, and well worth it in the end.

Writing has, for me, always been a way to share and connect with people, and it's that connection that keeps me getting up before the sun rises, to write another story, or in this case–another chapter of my own life. My hope for the memoir, when it's finished, is that my readers will take from it something valuable, something that will enrich their own lives, and if by my telling about my own struggles, and triumphs, I give hope to even one person, then it's done exactly what I'd wished for.

June 5th will mark the 30th anniversary since the first documented case of AIDS.

I've learned this: Every person you meet has a story. Listen. Learn. Share. That's how it all begins...

After the Storm

2011-05-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

Just moments after the storm...

How about that rainbow? I shot this picture a few days ago. May 21st actually. The day "The Rapture" was supposed to happen. I took this as a lovely little sign from God. His was of saying, "Hey, listen up–not going to end the world today–just thought I'd let you know."

How many of you even thought for a second, this could be it, that this could really be "The End" of the world, even if just for a second?

That's how I felt the day I found out that my children and I had AIDS–that it was the end. I thought about the things that I'd wished I'd done differently, all the people I loved but had never told how much they meant to me. I thought about what I wanted to do with my last days on Earth. I felt the clock ticking–running out of time. How was I going to accomplish what I needed to? Would there be enough time? Did I have months or did I have a few more years? I remember hoping and praying for time... time with my family, time to do–everything.

And here we are, almost sixteen years later, healthy and going strong. Did I think, way back then, that I'd still be alive today, watching my children flourish ... fulfilling my dream of being an author and writing stories? I hoped I would.

I've since learned that a little HOPE goes a long, long way, and so here we are friends, facing another hour and another day...surviving "The Rapture" prophecy, AND surviving HIV/AIDS : )

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend and I hope all my Southern friends are fairing alright with these storms that keep passing through.
With school about out, I'm super excited to get a jump on summer, and start this exciting next chapter of this beautiful thing we call life. Here's hoping the storms stay away at least for the weekend as there's fun to be had with the kids and we are definitely ready to hit the pool!

"Hope is only the love of life... Who knows?
God may save us, may work a miracle."
–Henri Amiel (1821-1881)

Happiness is...

2011-05-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

A winding road...

A vineyard sunning beneath a blue sky...

A day of love and laughter : )

Happiness is... my children's love, and this was the best Mother's Day a mom could ever wish for. Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful moms out there. Enjoy every moment with your children (they grow up fast, it's true!) and not only today, but every day, know that because of them you are blessed beyond measure.

Ending Pediatric AIDS

2011-04-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

The Time to Eliminate Pediatric AIDS is Now from EGPAF on Vimeo.

Here's to Elizabeth Glaser–a woman who's legacy, strength, and dedication to ending pediatric AIDS still lives on today. This powerful video is up for a Weeby Award. I just voted and you can too. Just follow the link and look for the EGPAF video titled "The Time to End Pediatric AIDS is NOW"

Adoption

2011-04-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

"Where there is great love, there are always miracles."

~ Willa Cather

Families who are pulled toward adoption are often surprised when they are met with opposition. I know I was, and the only thing I could do was accept it and move on. Not everyone is going to understand your desire to love and adopt a child that isn't yours ... a child who belongs to no one. You may encounter bias, racism and cynicism–sometimes from your own family, but hearts can change (as did my own mother's) and how lucky are those who love beyond race–beyond biological ties, and even beyond the constraints of culture and entire continents. It's true what they say about that undeniable "pull" of the heart that adoptive families feel. I know, because I felt it too, and what other choice did I have but to follow, and I'm so glad I did. My story of adoption, like so many, is nothing short of remarkable. There were brick walls and triumphs, hardships and times of downright despair, but the one constant that kept us going was love. As difficult as the process of adoption was, we never stopped believing that we could and would bring our child home, and even more remarkable were the many people–from friends & family to complete strangers–who helped and supported us along the way. I have so many people to thank, who, without them Yonas would most likely have succumbed to HIV/AIDS and died without ever knowing the love of a family. Willa Cather, a great voice in American literature, once said, "Where there is great love, there are always miracles." Believe that.

Annie Lennox and Yonas?

2011-04-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

Being the big American Idol fan that I am, I couldn't resist sharing this story (and beautiful song) once again.

I cried when I saw this video. I was so surprised to see my child's face near the end of this! Unfortunatley, we didn't have it video recorded, but I was able to find it on YouTube. This footage is so special because four years ago, my son Yonas was an orphan living in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. (Adoption Story Here).

One evening, not long after Yonas came home to America, we were all sitting in the family room watching Idol Gives Back. Annie Lennox, a singer dedicated to the fight against AIDS, was on the screen singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water," when, just a couple of minutes into the song, on the screen behind her flashed Yonas's smiling face! Well, all of our jaws dropped, including Yonas's! We just couldn't believe it. Watch the video below and listen closely to the lyrics; just as Yonas's face comes on the screen, Annie sings, "Your chance has come to shine...all your dreams are on their way..." It still gives me chills. Those beautiful words carry significant meaning, and always will.

It's difficult, even now, when I think back to what my son's life was like before we found him. I know that whatever pain he endured, his spirit somehow soared regardless. So, yes–once upon a time, my son was an orphan. But he's not an orphan anymore. I bet Annie would be happy to know that.

Today, Yonas has a home, food and access to medicines that will keep him healthy for a lifetime; he also has a family who loves him beyond measure. Like the song said, "Your chance has come to shine...all your dreams are on their way." I do believe that. Thank you, Annie, wherever you are, for the song, the music and all you do in the fight against HIV/AIDS. We love you for it.

Annie's SING site here

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Those Crazy (remarkable) College Kids...

2011-04-05T07:51:00.001-07:00

I have some good news to reveal, but first I want to share this latest blog post, inspired by my daughter, Alee, and her love of theater. See that sign above? It just so happens that was the first thing that greeted me as I walked through the theater doors of Alee's last performance. Curious yet? Trust me, it gets even better.

When my daughter, a college sophomore, told me she'd landed a part in a play, and that she'd be doing a politically motivated skit about HIV/AIDS, naturally, I was eager to see it. I have to admit, though, that when I saw the "Viewer Discretion Advised" I got a little worried.

I had no idea what was in store as I headed for the last empty seat, (front row and center) but let your imagination run wild, and let me assure you this will be better.

The theater was jam packed with college kids. Seems the entire student body had come to see Naked-Man. Now, you have to picture it. Sleek, nice looking college kids–kicked back–very cool. Me–Nervous-Mom, slumped in the front row having a hot flash–not so cool. Anyway, I smiled at the kids on either side of me and settled in just as the lights dimmed.

Each skit was a riveting, politically motivated rendition to drive home a point. I was glued to my seat during the entire emotionally charged performance ... and then, once again, the lights dimmed. When they came on again, front and center stage, stood NAKED MAN. Okay, so I admit, Alee had tried to warn me, but nothing could have prepared me for this. There stood naked man, ( and I do mean NUDE) with slur words written in black marker all over his skin. I have to say that once I got over the shock, the performance in itself I found to be very profound and beautifully executed. And I tried not to stare at the penis, which wasn't easy to do with the lighting guy upstairs shining the spotlight on it the entire time. (Laughing yet? Me too!) Those crazy college kids...

Alee's performance was next. You could have heard a pin drop as she spoke of what it was like to grow up with HIV, and what it was like to finally come out to her friends about it. I heard someone behind me whisper, "This is a true story."

I have to say I was incredibly proud of my daughter, and moved by her honesty and brave performance.

At the very end of what proved to be an amazing night, there was a Q & A with the audience. There were a lot of questions for Alee about HIV, and how that works in a committed relationship. It was great to see young people so open and unembarrassed to talk about condoms, relationships and safe sex–much more so than when I'd been their age. We must be doing something right.

Now, about that good news I've been wanting to share; I'm pleased to announce that my novel, The Silence of Mercy Bleu, sold on just its second read to a wonderful publishing house, kNight Romance Publishers. It's been an amazing experience from start to finish and I can't wait to share this story. Watch for it in bookstores and online beginning March 5, 2012!

To learn more visit: SuzanStirling.com and you can also follow me on Twitter for the latest updates.

A Little Cotton Candy for the Soul

2011-03-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

These last two nights I could have been the poster child for that common, yet rarely talked about affliction called "new author syndrome," an almost painful condition that affects most authors at one time or another in their career. The symptoms range in severity, but are always the same. You may recognize some of these symptoms in yourself: incessant checking of e-mails, stalking writer's sites like Publishers Marketplace and AbsoluteWrite, and for the worst of the worst–daydreaming away the hours while that mountain of laundry grows bigger than Mount Sinai in the corner.

I never really fully understood the agony nor the angst that my published author friends would try to explain. Only now, as a writer on the brink of getting published, do I finally get what they were saying. Now I understand just how easy it is for a writer to fall into the trap of obsessing over that "first" novel.

After all, you've carried this bundle of work with you for many long months, sometimes years and then, like an expectant mother about to give birth, finally comes the big moment you've been waiting for–your "Book" is about to be born! You push and strain until, finally, out pops your beloved little novel–all pink, wrinkled and ugly, but (you give a big sigh) all ten toes are seemingly intact. You then set about the arduous task of investing the long hard hours it will take to polish your little darling into something really, really great. And then, just when you dare hope it might sprout wings and fly, in walks the perfect publisher who sweeps your novel right off its feet! It's every mother's...errr, I mean writer's dream. And it's the way things ought to be. It should be easy, right? Don't get me wrong. It's every bit wonderful, but easy? Never.

Be it for love, a book deal, a waiting child–let's hope not a kidney–the waiting is never easy. But, we all must do it. My best advice? Try to stay busy, live in the moment and enjoy the journey, and should the waiting get tough–a little cotton candy for the soul never hurts!

It Isn't Easy Looking Back

2011-03-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

March 10th ~

National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

Just the other day, my husband and I were having lunch together. On the drive home, something caught his eye. He slowed down and made a turn into an unfamiliar apartment complex and pulled his truck up next to the pool house.

"What are we doing? It's a little cold to go swimming," I laughed.

He reached for my hand, his face serious. "See that electrical shed? That's where I was working the day you phoned me and told me that you and Alee had tested positive."

"Oh." I followed his gaze, shook my head. "You know, it's weird, but I don't even remember calling you. I don't remember much of anything that happened after..." My voice trailed off. I'd heard of that happening before–when something so traumatic happens that your mind blocks the memory. "What did I say? Did I just blurt it out?" I asked.

He thought for a moment. "No. You just said that I needed to come home, and when I asked you why, you wouldn't tell me. I kept asking you to tell me what was wrong and finally I asked if you'd gotten the test back, and you said yes, and then I just knew. I dropped my tools, I left everything–I just left and tried to get home as fast as I could." He turned his head away, but not before I could see that he was crying.

All these years later, it still hurts.

I'd met and married my husband of now twenty-three years in 1988, and almost ten years into our marriage, shortly after the birth of our second child, our life was turned upside down by AIDS. I'd unknowingly contracted the disease from a young man I'd been engaged to when I was nineteen who, I was told, had died of cancer.

It isn't easy to look back. I think those first days after finding out–those gray memories that have gone blank–are because I must have been in shock. Here's what I do remember...

The call from the hospital that had treated our baby for a severe bout of asthma. We were simply told that something in our baby's blood work had come back that warranted an AIDS test. They said that our whole family should be tested.

In 1996 you could purchase "anonymous" HIV testing kits at any drug store. We bought three. One for Clay, one for myself, and one for Alee. The test was fairly simple. We pricked our fingers, put a drop of blood on a strip, sealed it inside an envelope and sent it by Fed Ex to the testing lab. Days later we were to call the lab, give our "number" to the telephone personnel and we'd get our results. Clay's results came back quickly. He was negative! At this point, I still was holding out hope that we'd all test negative.

Mine and Alee's results took longer. I'll never forget that phone call...

I'd been on hold for a number of minutes. Clay's results had been different. He'd gotten an automated response. Why was I being put on hold? Finally a woman's voice came on the line.

I held the receiver pressed to my ear. I thought I'd heard her wrong. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "your test came back positive for the HIV antibody."

My body went numb, and my chest tightened. What an awful mistake for this woman to make. I was still clinging to denial. Oh God...not this...not AIDS. I didn't realize that I'd started to pray.

"Ma'am, I can give you some resource numbers in your area..."

"Wait. I have another number. Can you check one more number for me, please?" I asked.

"You have another number?" She sounded confused.

"Yes. It's my daughter's." I could barely speak, my voice hollow in my ears. I held the slip of paper in my shaking hand and read the numbers off to her.

"How old is your daughter, ma'am?"

"She's six years old." My heart is breaking. Right here. Right now.

There was a pause. "Oh my God," she whispered.

Don't say it... Please don't say it.

"I'm so sorry. She's positive. The test was positive."

No! This isn't happening. This isn't real! I felt as if the room were tipping and at any moment I would lose my grip.

"Ma'am, are you still there? Do you have someone with you? Is there someone you can call? Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I have to go." I don't remember hanging up the phone and I don't remember calling my husband either. That memory is gone. What I do remember about that day was picking Alee up from school very soon after, seeing her face, small and pale smiling up at me as I reached out to take her hand, and then I draw a blank for days.... Yes, I was in shock.

Did you know that in the United States a woman or girl tests positive for the HIV virus every thirty-five minutes? Today, out of the 33 million who are estimated to be living with HIV/

AIDS, half are women, and that number is on the rise. Why? In many instances it's because women still don't believe they are at risk.

Did I think I was at risk? No, and that was my biggest mistake–thinking that HIV could never happen to me. Today, I'm very fortunate. My life is truly blessed, and it's never easy–looking back, but I share my story in the hopes that something good will come of it. If this story touches one person or keeps one woman or mother from going through what my family has had to endure, then that means something.

Please share this story with the women in your life, and I thank you for reading.

Early in the epidemic women weren't considered to be at risk for contracting HIV. Today, in the United States alone we make up a quarter of all new HIV infections. March 10th is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Take pride in yourself and be tested. There's a lot of hope today and much less fear, so get involved, ladies, and stay aware.

The Making of a Novel...

2011-03-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

Although my first love has always been writing fiction, a couple of years ago, I set out to write a memoir about my experience with adoption and raising kids with HIV. About half-way into it, I realized that I just wasn't ready–my family and our story was still growing, still evolving and far from complete. I decided to take it off the burner (so to speak) and I packed it away in a desk drawer where it will no doubt stay for at least the next few years. The same week that I packed away the memoir, my husband and I made a trip across the bridge into Madison to attend an arts festival. While we were sitting on a grassy bank looking out over the river, a story began to take hold of me; a story about a young woman I didn't know yet, but who, over the course of a year would become a friend and character I won't soon forget. When we returned home from Madison, I immediately sat down at the keyboard and began to craft the outline for a novel that I titled The Silence of Mercy Bleu.

I love the freedom of fiction, the freedom to create characters and story out of thin air, and because I was writing about a subject that I'm so passionate about, it didn't take long for the words to fill the page. What began as just an idea, soon grew into a compelling story–a story about secrets, second chances and strength through adversity as told through the eyes of Mercy Bleu, a young HIV positive mom-to-be.

Once the first draft was finished, I immediately started in on the edits. I'd work each page, over and over and over again, until "Mercy Bleu's" story began to unfold. It wasn't finished yet, when I came across the William Faulkner "Novel-in-Progress" Contest. I entered my novel and low and behold it was chosen as one of the semi-finalists! That was the kick that really got the ball rolling. And roll it did.

I'd been working on my novel, day in and day out, for over a year at this point and I still wasn't sure if it was ready, but I had to at least try. I began pitching my novel to a few "big city" agents. Months passed. There were some encouraging words, but no takers. I was heartbroken, but I didn't give up. I just couldn't. I knew that if I could just get someone to actually read it, Mercy would soon be on her way. I re-worked the pitch, crossed my fingers, and sent out 10 more queries. It worked! Within a month, I received 7 requests for the full manuscript...and two rock solid offers of representation. I chose wisely. I knew that my agent, Jeanie Pantelakis, would be the perfect champion for my novel. Her sensibility and insight has been invaluable these last months.

We are now out on "submission," which is the process of pitching publishers and waiting for them to request a read. This could take days or it could take months. I honestly have no idea, but whatever happens, you know I'll certainly be posting it all right here for all those interested.

One thing I do know for sure is that I love this story and am ever so eager to share it with readers. This novel tackles some difficult issues and pushes the envelope (in more ways than one) and don't you just love when a book does exactly that?

A "Functional" Cure For HIV?

2011-02-25T11:36:00.000-08:00

Reach For It!

2011-02-25T06:49:00.000-08:00

Do you know what it is that you want in life? Think about it. What is it, right this very moment, that you want more than anything else? It could be just one thing, or many––something small or something so tremendous that you may be afraid to even try and reach for it. That's okay. Reach for it anyway!

What's life without risk? What is there to strive for, if not some "impossible" feat? I don't know if I've ever been so disappointed as when I read an article, years back, where a world recognized AIDS researcher was quoted as saying, "We will never find a cure for HIV."

I was devastated. To think, that someone held in such high regard, someone in charge of an entire health Institute, could have so little faith or conviction. I mean, seriously. What if Edison had said there would never be light, or what if the great men behind the first rocket-ship to the moon had said it was impossible–we'll never get there?

You have to reach for what you want. BELIEVE for what you want. I BELIEVE we'll see the cure for HIV, and right now, this very minute, there are some amazing, scientific minds who are believing for it too. They won't give up and neither will I. I simply cannot. And if you're a mom, or know and love someone with HIV, then you understand.

What is it that you want for with all your being? A new car? A book deal? A healthy child? A cure for a disease that was once proclaimed impossible to cure? Whatever it is...don't let the nay-sayers, or your own uncertainty hold you back. Start today, and just reach for it.

A Beautiful Story...

2011-02-16T14:51:00.000-08:00

Ben Banks was diagnosed with cancer when he was two, and the same blood that saved his life also gave him HIV. Today, he is a survivor! Meet the Banks family. I love these two and am so proud of all they do to help raise awareness about HIV/AIDS. Love is...The Banks Family.

Meet Romeo...

2011-02-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

Okay cat lovers, meet Romeo-my very fat, Siamese cat : ) He's my baby, and if you haven't guessed–he REALLY likes my desk! He also likes my chair, which kind of throws the balance off when I'm trying to type, but we manage. In fact, if he's not walking across my computer keys, or perched on the back of my chair, my writing time just isn't quite the same. Just the other day, I'd stepped away from the computer keys to freshen my coffee and when I got back Romeo had tip-toed across the keys and added his very own paragraph to the chapter... Wasn't too terrible, actually–next time he should use the spellcheck ; ) Below is a picture of Romeo guarding my manuscript. If you couldn't tell, he takes his job VERY seriously. Would you just look at that face?

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A Lighthouse Moment

2011-01-26T04:50:00.000-08:00

It could go down in the Guinness Book of World Records as THE quickest road trip ever, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

If you've been following this past week, you know that the family and I flew into Orlando, Florida late Friday night to drive back the truck that Clay had found on Ebay. After a good night's sleep at a Holiday Inn, a quick breakfast, and some fresh squeezed Florida orange juice–we headed to the dealership in Daytona, signed the paperwork for Clay's truck just a-lickety-split, and then we hit the road running–next stop Savannah, Georgia!

With the Atlantic ocean breeze welcoming us in, we got right into the heart of downtown Savannah, stopping to have a little lunch at Fiddler's Crab Shack–a historic eatery along the banks of the Savannah river that serves up some of the best blue crab stew known to mankind. We must have looked like tourists (the camera and Clay's Bermuda shorts were a dead give away) because our waitress asked us where we were visiting from. When I told her we'd come all the way from Kentucky, she confided that seeing "The Derby" was number five on her bucket list. When I told her that seeing a lighthouse was #7 on mine, she said I'd come to the right place as there was a beautiful one not ten miles away and pointed us in the right direction.

Soon we were sailing down hwy 95 on our way to Tybee Island where I finally fulfilled my longtime dream of seeing a real lighthouse.

I was lucky. If I'd been three minutes later, I'd have missed out. Here's a picture of me, racing at sundown–just minutes before they closed the gate–to fulfill my dream. The picture doesn't quite do the moment justice, but trust me it was magical and something I'll never forget. Do you have a yen you've yet to fulfill? What is it? Seeing a lighthouse was just one of the things I'd hoped to do this year. Happy to say I'll be checking number seven off my list...

On the Road AGAIN!

2011-01-23T04:22:00.000-08:00

I sure do love a road trip. There's something about new scenery and the open road that never ceases to fuel my creativity. I can't wait to get home and start writing as I think I may have found the perfect setting for my next story.

Except for a stay in a seedy hotel that smelled like The Miami Dolphins had stayed there the night before and left their gym socks under the bed, the trip has been great. I have to admit that I was nervous about buying a vehicle that we'd found on EBay, but so far so good! It drives like a dream and we're covering some pretty serious miles to get back home. This picture is of a very large bridge on our way to Savannah, Georgia. I've never seen this side of the world and am surprised to find seagulls, sea ports, palm trees, and the most gorgeous, wide open stretch of blue sky! It's a far cry from the sub zero temps we left behind, for sure! Clay's "dream" truck is perfect, the road is beckoning, and now we're off to fulfill a longtime dream of my own.

Loaded Up and Truckin'

2011-01-20T05:46:00.000-08:00

We're on the road again. Well, almost on the road again. Okay, we will be on the road again–hopefully–very soon! What, if anything, could possibly cause a family to just up and go so spur of the moment, and in the dead of winter, you ask?

Without giving away too much, I can say that it involves a longtime dream of my husband's, and there will definitely be road, sky, and scenic byways involved; not only that but if you've been following my blog, this roadtrip will also bring about one of the significant "to-do's" on my New Year's list (see 1-1-11 post). So you see, it's a win, win situation, and I promise that it will all make perfect sense over the next couple weeks, so be sure to buckle up, get comfy and enjoy the ride with me. It's sure to be an adventure...

A "MOM" MOMENT

2011-01-18T06:51:00.000-08:00

Is there anything greater than watching your children grow and discover new, hidden talents? I think not. I'm always trying to introduce my three to new things that I hope will interest them. Sometimes successfully and sometimes not! Yonas, my youngest, is nine. He's in that discovery phase and excels at just about anything until he gets bored with it. There have been tap dance lessons, soccer at the "Y" and right now, it's anything and everything football.

Alee, my college girl, has always had an inborn skill for organization, attention to details, and is amazing with WORDS so it came as no surprise when she chose English as her major. The girl is amazing, meticulous, and passionate about literature. I could so see her as an Editor-in-Chief at some fabulous magazine or acquiring books for Simon & Schuster one day. Amazing as they all are, I have to admit that it's Mitchell (the quiet one) who's surprised me the most lately.

Mitchell is perhaps the most like me when I was his age–although he's much smarter (and funnier) than I ever was! He's also very creative. At just fourteen, Mitch can draw like nobody's business, write music, and he's a self-taught pianist who learned to play Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata," by ear no less! But something I didn't know about Mitch is that he's also a writer! That's right...Mitch's first published piece will be appearing in his high school's literary magazine near the end of the school year, and you know, proud mom that I am, I'll be posting it right here!

It's fun being a mom, and it's going to be even more incredible to watch and see what other hidden talents and passions my kids develop over the years. And to think, there was a time when I didn't think we'd make it to here. Even now, that thought...that memory is still too much for me to bear so I push it back into that locked up place where I keep it. During that worst of times my coping strategy was simple–hold onto the little things and be grateful for the good, and even the not so good moments we have. Well, a crazy, wonderful thing happened. Those little moments grew bigger and better and my kids and I, we didn't die like I thought we would. Instead, we grew healthy and strong.

No doubt, seeing that dark side of life is what made me who I am. I can't help but appreciate the little things still, like Yonas kicking a soccer ball, or confiding with a scrunched up face that he really hates the tap dance class ; ) or the time that Alee and I were panicked to discover three hours before prom that the dress no longer fit, and how at the last minute we'd found the most perfect, beautiful gown hanging in a consignment window just up the street... Or the way that Mitchell hugged me this morning before he left for school and said, "Love you, Mom."

No, there isn't a minute that goes by that I don't thank God for what I've been given. I know I'm one lucky mom. I get to watch my kids grow talents and passions; I get to watch them grow-up. Yes, I'm definitely having one of those "Mom" moments...and I'm SO, so glad.

Sweet Dreams... My "Piano man" at age seven.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

It's a new day. It's a new dawn. It's a New Year ... and I'm feeling good!

Waking up to 2011 with a cup of java and a pen. I have a few New Years resolutions to commit to paper, but first I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the last twelve months. 2010 was an unforgettable year; a year that brought with it many joys:

First and foremost, my family remained healthy and well, and my connection with God strong. I accomplished what was at one time an almost impossible dream of mine and wrote my first novel, and then in August I received two offers of representation and signed with my wonderful agent. I also discovered Ipad's remarkable "sample" a book feature, and decided I didn't dislike The Kindle, after all. I read fifteen books, watched 100 episodes of Joel Osteen, and walked 400 miles on my treadmill.

It's been a good year. Hard to imagine how just a year can change everything. It can make you better, stronger, bring you closer to, or even fulfill, your biggest dreams. That's why we set goals and make up New Years resolutions. This year–this remarkable 2011, when you set those goals to paper, don't be afraid to go for your heart's desires. Go for it! Here's a look at the goals I've set for 2011 in no particular order:

1.) Good health

2.) Strong Bonds/Family/God

3.) Finish Novel #2

4.) See The Silence of Mercy Bleu published

5.) Dream Big

6.) See a lighthouse, a waterfall, and the Atlantic

7.) Chase a rainbow

8.) Live. Love. Laugh.

So there you have it, my resolutions for 2011. No doubt it's going to be an amazing year! How about you? What do you hope for in 2011?

Thanks for visiting today. I want to wish you all a happy, healthy New Year over-flowing with good fortune, love and inspiration!

Quest Research Working Toward a Cure

2010-12-28T12:44:00.000-08:00

I've watched this video four, maybe five times since I discovered it yesterday. I've shown it to my husband. I've shown it to my children, and now I'm showing it to you.

What these researchers are doing is nothing short of remarkable and I believe that it will lead the way to an HIV cure. If the opportunity presented itself, with the information I have now, I would volunteer for this clinical trial in a minute. In fact I called Quest Research and spoke with a gentleman on the phone, but was told that because I lived so far away and they already had plenty of volunteers in the Bay City area, chances of them enrolling me were likely slim. Still, they offered to send me more information...and you know what they say, never say never.

I can wait if I have to. In fairness, this treatment is best served on the people who have already exhausted all other avenues and need it the most. My CD-4 count was over 1,200 my last blood draw, and my virus undetectable. I am healthier than your average "healthy" person!

How is this possible for someone who's been positive for twenty-five years? I don't know. I exercise, take vitamins, and just generally take good care of myself...nothing out of the ordinary. I take HIV medicines intermittently. 1 month on, two months off, on average. I began doing this because of side-effects from the medicines. Although I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, and it's likely that I'll build resistance sooner this way, it's worked well for me these last five years, and thankfully my children are doing equally as well, on a strict regimen of antivirals that keep them healthy and their virus undetectable, and for this I'm exceedingly grateful because as any mother knows, our concern for our children far outweighs our own.

I would walk through a brick wall if I thought it would facilitate a cure, because more than anything in this world, and what has kept me going strong all these years, is my desire to see my children cured of this disease, and I know in my heart that the day is coming–maybe sooner than we think.

Quick..make a wish before the wax drips ; )

2010-12-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

Charlie loves chocolate cake : )

Did I ever mention that my oldest child was a Christmas baby? Well, she was and that makes the month of December doubly special for our family.

I was eight months pregnant with Alee when she decided to turn side-ways and stay there. Soon after my Dec. 12th due date came and went, the doctor scheduled me for a Cesarean section...it was the week before Christmas!

I'll never forget that December morning as Clay and I drove to the hospital, knowing that in just a few short hours we would be holding our child. Naturally, our emotions were riding high; we were scared–Neither of us had ever done this before! And we were excited–a real baby of our own! But most of all, we were just plain exhausted by the time Alee finally arrived. We'd been so preoccupied with getting everything perfect for the baby, that we'd hardly had time to give Christmas a second thought. I'm certain we put up a tree, but I honestly can't remember doing it. What I do remember, as clearly as if it were yesterday, was how it felt to rock my brand new baby girl in my arms, and watch her fall asleep to "Silent Night" playing softly on the stereo in the early hours just before Christmas morning. Now that is something I'll never forget. She was by far the best Christmas "gift" that Clay and I ever received.

We almost lost Alee when she was six, but thankfully we got a miracle. Because of new HIV medicines that were developed soon after she became sick, Alee's life was saved and today she can look forward to living a long, full life. And who knows what the next decade has in store for HIV–most likely it will be a cure, but for right now I am grateful for this day, for this Christmas, and I am especially grateful to be celebrating Alee's 20th birthday.

As we lit the candles on her birthday cake, I told her to make a wish, quick, before the wax dripped, or Charlie pounced...

She laughed, closed her eyes and then blew out the candles. When she stood back up her face was radiant, and she was smiling.

I couldn't tell you what she wished for, but I will tell you what I wished for–it's what all mothers want for their children–and that's for all her dreams and wishes to come true. Happy 20th Birthday, Alee. I love you!

What are you wishing for this holiday season? Whatever it is, I hope your holidays are filled with wishes come true!

Alee Makes a Wish...

Live Your Life!

2010-12-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

My daughter has always been brave. When she just was a little girl, living in California, we'd go to the beach for a day of fun and I would have to chase her incessantly because she would try to rush straight into the ocean–never mind that the waves were three times bigger than she was. No, that didn't matter to Alee because she was completely fearless. Some things (thankfully) never change. Here's a short clip of Alee, now almost 20, in the EGPAF series titled, "This is HIV. Live your life."

Disclosing that you have HIV is never easy; not even for someone who's lived with it their whole life, but nothing will ever stop Alee. Not even HIV. I am so proud of my daughter–today, tomorrow, and always...

Please watch this clip and then share it with your friends!

Meet Smoky...

2010-12-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

My husband and I recently visited the Tennessee Smoky Mountains and there's a cute story behind this bear!

For all you animal lovers out there...this one has a happy ending : )

Just follow this LINK to my writer's blog to read how "Smoky" got his name. Happy Holidays, everyone!

RedRibbonDiaries Turns Two!

2010-12-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

Exactly two years ago this month I signed on with Blogger.com and registered the name RedRibbonDiaries. This is where I "came out" so to speak after living with my disease in secret for twelve long years. Today, I have to admit that I enjoy being somewhat of an open book. Although, I have been keeping one, tiny, little secret from you. I can't tell you everything just yet, but I promise to share what I can! As most of you know these last couple of months have been an exciting time. I finished my novel (after months and months of hard work), signed with a wonderful agent(!) and as of World AIDS Day (How uncanny is that?) received some very positive comments along with a "request to read" the full manuscript from this well respected publisher. That's all that I can reveal right now, but trust that I look forward to sharing more good news when I can. I want to thank you for following the journey. Your readership, support and comments over the years have meant so much. We've shared stories and laughter–even exchanged a few recipes, but what I appreciate most of all are the amazing friends and remarkable people that I've gotten to know because of this blog. Thank you for following, and please join me in wishing REDRIBBONS Happy Birthday!

REMEMBER

2010-12-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

AIDS Memorial Quilt displayed in Washington DC. It represents the 25 million lives that have been lost to AIDS since 1981.

For me, World AIDS Day is a time to remember; It's also a time to hope. I've been HIV positive for over twenty-five years now. I don't often go into how I contracted the virus because even after all these years it's still a difficult subject, but I think that young people, especially, need to be aware of how HIV can (and still does) happen to anyone...even the nice girl next door. I was never promiscuous and I wasn't a drug user; neither was the young man whom I contracted HIV from. I met and fell in love with John Clark III when I was just nineteen. He came from a very respectable, upper-class family who had adopted him as a baby (his birth mother, he confided, had been an addict who'd given him up at birth).

After a year and a half together John asked me to marry him and I said yes. We'd been engaged for six months when he started to change–We didn't know it, but HIV was quietly taking hold of not only his body, but his mind as well. His behaviors were becoming more and more erratic. He started to lose a lot of weight and his cognitive skills began to decline rapidly. Sometimes, he seemed like a totally different person to me. In hindsight, I now know that it was AIDS related dementia, but at the time I didn't understand what was happening and neither did he. I thought he must be doing drugs and I confronted him. He said he wasn't, but I didn't believe him. We had an argument over it and he told me to have a good life and that I was better off without him. I gave him the ring back and that was the last time I ever saw him.

A couple years later I learned that he had died of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma–a cancer sometimes seen with late-stage AIDS. Did John ever learn the truth? I don't know that answer and I probably never will. What I do know is that back in the mid-eighties HIV was considered a gay disease; doctor's may not have thought to test a young, straight male. Likewise, I never thought that I was at risk for getting it either, but a decade later, after I'd married and started a family, I would learn the devastating truth. I'm here to say that anyone can get AIDS, so even if you don't think you're at risk respect yourself and others and get tested, because until there is a cure, knowing your status and using protection is the only way that we'll halt the spread of this disease.

You probably didn't know it, but women are more likely to be infected with HIV by our male partners than the other way around. If you've ever had unprotected sex, you've put yourself at risk. Get tested.

It took me many years to find closure, but I have. I'm very fortunate in that my husband never did contract HIV. I wish that I could say the same for our children–two who are biological and one adopted–all born with HIV. Our family has been through a lot because of AIDS and we consider ourselves lucky to be alive and healthy today. I have forgiven John. Whether he knew, or didn't know is no longer important. I do wish that I'd known that he was dying so that I could have been a better friend. His name was John Clark III.... He was kind, handsome and talented, and he was just one of the 25 million, thus far, who have lost their life to AIDS.

Today, December 1st, is a day to remember. What does World AIDS Day mean to you? This World AIDS Day I hope that you'll join me in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Together, we can halt this disease, and one day put an end to this pandemic once and for all.

SO Thankful : )

2010-11-24T05:05:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm cleaning house and getting ready for Thanksgiving. I still have a few loads of laundry to catch up and a ton of shopping to do! My husband wonders why I go to all the trouble since we always have Thanksgiving at my brother-in-law's house, and I have to admit I've questioned this myself. I mean, seriously ... Putting on a "Turkey Day" feast for my measly clan does seem like a lot of work. There's a big, fat turkey that requires basting, sweet-potatoes that demand to be whisked and fluffed. I suppose it is a lot of "to-do" for just my little family of five, especially when we're having such a big shin-dig with the cousins, aunts, uncles...the whole family...

So what! I don't care!! I'm making my own turkey, dammit! I guess I'm a tad eccentric in that I cannot pass up the joyous tears that come from endlessly chopping white onions ; ) or the delectable smell of sage and celery simmering on the stove, not to mention the cold, dry left-overs. Can't live without those. So, yes, I will be scampering down the grocery aisles today, on the prowl for my very own little "Butterball," and even though I won't be cooking it until after Thanksgiving, trust that I'll be enjoying myself.

All jokes aside, I know it doesn't really matter whether or not I make a turkey; the real highlight of Thanksgiving is that my family is healthy, happy, and together to celebrate the day. For that, I am forever thankful.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes, by American Pulitzer Prize winning author Willa Sibert Cather, that goes like this "Where there is great love, there are always miracles." Such truth in so few words...

So with that, my HOPE for you and yours this Thanksgiving is that the DAY be filled with LOVE, family and good friends. Have a Healthy and Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Three Pumpkins

2010-10-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

Three unsuspecting pumpkins...

Two industrious boys

And a super-turbo "Deluxe" carving saw!
I did what any sane parent would... RAN for cover ; )

A Mother's Fear

2010-10-24T05:51:00.001-07:00

I've been dancing around this...not wanting to post about it, but I think I need to. Something happened this month that I never imagined would and it scared the hell out of me. Yonas, who's just eight, was in PE class at his elementary school; they were playing ball when he and another little boy both went to catch the ball at the same time and they ended up colliding heads...

The phone rang and it was Yonas's school on the other end. It's the call that a mother, let alone a mother with a positive child never wants to get. "Ma'm, you need to come to the school and get Yonas. There's been an accident and it looks like he's going to need stitches."

It gets worse. The child that he collided with also needed to go to the hospital. The accident had left both of them with open wounds, Yonas's just above the eye and the other little boy's was the forehead. My heart stopped. I really never imagined something like this would ever happen. Things like this only happen in the movies. I mean, what are the chances? I'll answer. Slim, but not impossible.

Yonas's school, who are (thankfully) aware of his HIV status, handled everything perfectly. After speaking with the principle and councelor we all decided, even though the probability of HIV transmission was very low, that we should tell the other little boy's parents that Yonas was HIV positive. After all, if the situation were reversed, I'd want to know.

The next call I made was to the little boy's mom. What do you say to a mom who's facing a nightmare like this with her child? I tried to reassure her. Told her her both kids had most likely hit the ground before either one had even started bleeding, told her Yonas was undetectable, meaning the virus in his blood is so low that transmission is highly improbable; I gave her phone numbers and tried to put her in touch with the best ID doctors I know, but I don't think any of this brought her much solace.

Although we did all that we could to assure them (and ourselves) you can imagine there was still a lot of concern, on both sides. There were doctor visits and numerous blood drawings for her child. The pediatric doctor the other mom had taken her son to had never dealt with HIV, so she called the CDC who recommended antiviral therapy as a precautionary measure. For peace of mind, the family opted to put their child on a course of heavy antivirals for three months. This seems like a lot, but I can understand needing that added assurance.

My heart goes out to this mom and this family. These medicines aren't easy to take by any means, and although I know with certainty that her child will be fine...still, this did happen and it has left me feeling pretty helpless.

I'm just so thankful for how this family and Yonas's school handled what could have been such a messy situation with the utmost care and regard for everyone involved.

It's only been three years since our family decided to disclose (read POZ story HERE) and I think about what a blessing that's been and how different this situation may have turned out had we still been hiding our status ... I do believe that things happen for a reason.

That woman's little boy will be fine. He will take the antivirals and then get tested twice more to be certain of a negative result, and then they will put this behind them. There will be no mass hysteria or parents up in arms that a child with HIV has been allowed to attend public school and we'll just go on as before with an even greater appreciation in our hearts for our community and the wonderful school system we have here. Ryan White is a young man whose story and life's work lives inside my heart. I think of him often and how what he went through changed a nation. Somewhere, he's looking down on this with reverence, I'm sure.

And Yonas, my spirited little guy? He'll be fine too–although, he has decided that the next time there's a ball in question–the other kid can have it!

Jack-O-Lantern Cookies

2010-10-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

It's no big secret around our house that we love Halloween. Ghosts, goblins and little witches–I mean what's not to love, right?

The kids and I pulled our the big box marked "Halloween Stuff" almost the second the calender allowed. This year we decorated with tombstones, ghosts and goblins ... SCAREY : ) Well, we tried anyway.

I think my favorite part of all is seeing what the kids decide to dress up as. I'll be sure to post pics. They've come up with some pretty clever costumes!

But Halloween isn't Halloween until you've baked pumpkin seeds and cookies. Here's a great cookie recipe I thought I'd share. Have a happy Halloween, everyone!

Jack-O-Lantern Cookies

2 1/2

cups packed brown sugar

cup butter or margarine, softened

1/2

cup shortening

eggs

cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour

teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

teaspoons baking powder

1/2

teaspoon salt

Assorted candies, nuts and miniature semisweet chocolate chips, if desired

Frosting

cups powdered sugar

2/3

cup butter or margarine, softened

1/3

cup frozen (thawed) orange juice concentrate

Green, yellow and red food colors

Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, mix brown sugar, 1 cup butter, the shortening and eggs until well blended. Stir in flour, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder and salt.
On lightly floured surface, roll 1/4 of dough at a time to 1/4-inch thickness. (Keep remaining dough refrigerated until ready to roll.) Cut with 3-inch pumpkin-shaped or round cookie cutter. Place on ungreased cookie sheets.
Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until light brown. Remove from cookie sheets to cooling racks. Cool completely, about 30 minutes.
In large bowl, mix powdered sugar and 2/3 cup butter until smooth. Stir in juice concentrate. Place 1/3 cup frosting in small bowl; add green food color until desired color for stems. To remaining frosting, add 2 drops yellow food color for every 1 drop red food color for desired shade of orange. Generously frost cookies with orange frosting. Frost stems with green frosting. Make jack-o'-lantern faces with candies.

Makes About 4 dozen cookies

The Road to HOPE...

2010-09-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

Louisville's annual 5K AIDS WALK drew a fantastic crowd yesterday. My family and I got there a couple of hours early to register and at 3pm on the dot, the red ribbon was cut and off we went.

Louisville's AIDS walk is truly amazing. If you've never been, it's worth the trip to attend. They shut down all traffic, and the walk itself takes place over the 2nd Street Bridge that crosses from Louisville into Indiana. The view from the bridge is breathtaking! You feel like you're on top of the world surrounded by the city ... and the cool breeze washing off the river doesn't hurt either.

It's not every day that you get the opportunity to walk across the 2nd Street Bridge and as I took those first steps up high above the river I was a bit awe struck by the whole experience of it. Up above stretched this incredible blue sky and arching beams of steel, and straight ahead I could see an AIDS ribbon with HOPE spelled across in big, white letters. For me it was a moment–a moment to feel gratitude and take stock of the past as well as the future. We've come so far in recent months and I know that each step we take in hope is just one step closer to a cure. HOPE is really here–Believe it.

A Mother's Story

2010-09-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

Read "A Mother's Story" HERE. I am so proud to be part of the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, an organization committed to saving lives around the world.

HIV-Keeping it Safe.

2010-08-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

I just read this article about the German pop-star Nadia Benaissa, who was in court today facing charges of aggravated assault for infecting a man with HIV. Not only did she NOT disclose her HIV status to multiple partners, but she also engaged in unprotected sex with them. This story really bothers me. How does a beautiful, talented, seemingly intelligent woman allow something like this to happen, and why are young people still so afraid to talk about HIV and safe sex?

I have a daughter who is nineteen. She's an honors student, holds a part-time job, is beautiful, smart, and yes, HIV positive. Born with the disease, she came to me at just sixteen and told me that she wanted to disclose her status. She came out to friends, school and our whole community. That took a lot of courage. Did she lose dates or lose friends because she chose to reveal her status? No, she did not. She still went to prom and she still went out on dates. She'll tell you herself that she's not ready to have sex, but you can bet that when she is, she and her partner will have the maturity and the conscience to talk about HIV and safe sex first.

Although Ms. Binaissa's choices are unacceptable to me, I don't judge her, nor can I condone her actions. When she was asked why she did it, she admitted that she didn't think that she could infect her partners. I believe that she's telling the truth about that, but is that a good enough reason not to tell... Not to use protection? No, obviously it's not and that's why she's going to do jail time, and someone she had sex with is now going to have to live with HIV for the rest of his life. What she did was shocking and sad. What was she so afraid of? Was she worried that revealing her status would make her less attractive or less of a person in her partner’s eyes? If anything, I think disclosing would have shown courage and the care she had for her partner... I think it would have made her a hero.

HIV and safe sex: Talk about it. Don't be afraid. And if you're in a relationship where you can't talk about it then maybe you're just not ready to take that step.

Last Days of Summer...

2010-08-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

Summer... Hard to believe it's really coming to an end, especially when the heat index today reached a whopping 113!

Even as hot as it's been, we've had a great summer. Between the late-night swims at our local pool, a trip to the California coast, and a little adventure on the river, I'm happy to say that we've managed to have fun regardless of this sweltering heat.

I hope your summer has been a blast, too. Is it just me or does it feel like summer always goes too fast? Seems like we barely got started and already it's time for the boys to replace their swim gear with backpacks and books! They are already into their first week of school, and as eager as I am to say goodbye heat and hello to fall...I'll always cherish these summer days.

Nothing says "happy" like a yellow mushroom dumping water on your head : )

Born With HIV: Interview with Jake Glaser

2010-08-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

I just watched this video. It is SO powerful and so well done. Jake Glaser has grown-up to be such an incredible young man with a message you'll want hear and then share.

A Story Worth Telling...

2010-07-27T05:36:00.001-07:00

I want to share a book with you that greatly impacted my life. The book is, In the Absence of Angels by Elizabeth Glaser. It's the story of the Glaser family and their harrowing journey with AIDS. This book was first released in 1991, but I didn't find it until 1996, only a few weeks after my children and I had been diagnosed with AIDS. If you don't believe in angels... Well, maybe you should.

My world was collapsing in 1996. My children had AIDS, Alee'd had a stroke, and the medicines we'd just started taking were toxic. I was lost, in a deep state of sadness aimlessly wondering the aisles of a small rural library in Kentucky. I wasn't looking for any one book, just trying to avert my mind off my terrible situation. I found myself in the library's small biography section, my fingers tracing across a line of book spines, when I stopped. Right at eye-level was Elizabeth's book. I pulled it off the shelf, opened it to a random page and started reading. It was the chapter about Ariel's death at the age of seven. My Alee at the time was six. Overcome with emotion, I closed the book and somehow got through the check-out and to my car before bursting into tears.

Once safe in the privacy of my home I read the book in a matter of hours. Her words, her beautiful story, stay with me to this day. It also pointed me toward The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, an organization that has been like a steadfast rock in a bumpy sea for my family and I. For those of you who don't know, before Elizabeth passed away she, along with two of her closest friends, started The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, an organization dedicated to stopping mother to infant transmission that's still going strong today.

The similarities between Elizabeth's story and mine are uncanny. We share the same birthday, both our husbands remained HIV-negative, we both had two children (girl first and a boy second), and we both unknowingly contracted HIV and passed the virus onto our children. Her story touched me in a way that no other can. I'm not the only person who Elizabeth's book has touched. I recently became acquainted with a wonderful young woman, Courtney Sheinmel, who is the author of a book titled, Positively, among others. Please take a moment to read how Elizabeth's book had a profound effect on Courtney, and how this author actually came to meet Elizabeth one life changing summer when she was just fourteen.

Elizabeth and Ariel aren't here today, and that hurts and always will, but everything they did in the short time they were here on this earth continues to blossom and that means something. I like to think that Elizabeth is my angel, and that somewhere, right now, she is smiling.

Elizabeth's book, In the Absence of Angels can be found on Amazon.com.

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Why I didn't appear on Oprah, not once, but twice! True Story.

2010-07-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

Age 4...Cowgirl at Heart

I was asked to go on the Oprah show, not once, but twice! True story.

The day had started much like any other... I'm soaking in the tub, eyes closed, daydreaming when I get this flash of me, on the Oprah Show, wearing a pair of extremely HOT, as in awesome, pair of brown suede boots ( with a wrap around sweater dress–same fabulous color) and I'm saying something real clever–like, "I want to thank the academy for this incredible award!"

Then a crashing noise (one of the kids bounces a soccer ball against the bathroom door) brings me back to real life. Okay, hang tight with me–this story gets better. I put on my robe, pad down to the family room where Hubby is watching CNN. I say to Clay, "I just dreamt I was on Oprah...you should have seen my boots."

No kidding, two seconds later... PHONE RINGS! Caller ID says, Chicago. I panic. I reach for it. My hand freezes.

Clay says, "What's the matter? Answer it."

I say. "I can't. It's Oprah."

He gives me one of those "That's crazy, but you've said crazier" kind of looks. "Answer it," he says, again.

I shake my head. Answering machine picks up, "Leave a message at the beep....BEEEEP!"

Friendly voice, "Hello! This is so and so, from Harpo Studios. Could you give us a call back, please. We'd like to talk with you about being on The Oprah Show." Click, she hangs up and about this time I FAINT.

Now, Clay's really excited. "Call her back! Call her back!"

You have to know me...I do not particularly enjoy the limelight. I'm a writer. I don't even like to talk on the phone let alone appear on talk shows–unless it's for a REALLY good cause...

Well, it so happens that AIDS and raising awareness falls into the REALLY good cause category so long story short, I swallowed my fear, called the lady back and ultimately agreed to go on the show. I was told that there would be four or five other women, all of whom, like me, were HIV positive. There was very little time to prepare, less than a week. So, naturally, my first stop was straight to the mall in search of an Oprah worthy dress and those brown suede boots I'd imagined myself wearing in my dream. Two-hours and one drained pocket-book later, I'd found an outfit of sorts, although nothing like what I'd envisioned, and no boots, but I was as ready as it was going to get.

Now for the crasher: Two days before the show, nice producer lady phones. It seemed there had been some last minute changes to the focus of the show and I no longer fit. The show's focus would now be more on young positive women and the dating scene. I was married and too old. She didn't say it in those exact words, but....whatever the case, I was O-U-T, out. Actually, I breathed a big sigh of relief.

Was I secretly hoping for a couple tickets to go see the show? I was...Your typical latchkey kid, I started watching The Oprah Show way back in the eighties. I was only twelve, but loved her! While my mom worked eleven-hour, sometimes sixteen-hour days to support us, much of my time was spent cooped up in a small apartment in Pocatello, Idaho. Everyday, from 4-5 Oprah became sort of like my surrogate mom. I never missed a show! While my mom may have been the one to put food on the table, the Oprah Show, in essence, fed my soul; Her shows and guests were often inspiring as was Oprah herself. I especially enjoyed the shows that talked about living your best life and spiritual connections. So, yeah, I guess you could say I'm a true fan. Unfortunately, the tickets never showed.

The second time (yes, there was a second time) I was asked to go on the O show, it was to help promote a writer friend's memoir, but the details were fairly vague. We didn't know the what, when or where and although I'd have liked to have been able to say yes, I was getting my girl ready to head off to college and the timing just wasn't right.

So, as most of you know, Oprah is ending the show in late 2011. My chances of ever being on the show or sitting in the audience, or even perhaps having her praise my novel in front of millions are growing dim. *Big melodramatic sigh*

But seriously, as much as I love Oprah and as nice as it would be to have my novel propped in her hands, most new authors (self included) will never get that chance. Does that mean your book won't be a best seller? No, it does not. What it means is that we, as writers, have one responsibility and that's to write a book that people want to read. That's the number one requirement toward success in the writing business. I've read an awfully lot of books lately that have been chuck full of hype–the next BIG American novel (supposedly) and I've been sorely dissapointed. I'm not giving up though. With my new IBook feature I can get all sorts of sample pages to read before I commit to buy. But honestly, I think the best tried-and-true way to find a good book is by word of mouth. It's been working for ages! So friends, if you've read a really good book lately ... please do tell us about it!

Things You'll Only Find in Kentucky

2010-07-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

A "distillery" in your Uncle Buddy's backyard.

Or a little fine dining on the side of the road.

There are some things that you will only find here in the South... An antique "distillery" in your Uncle Buddy's shed...a "HeeHaw shack serving up "grub" on the side of the road, or how about a coin operating laundrymat/tan while-U-wait called the Suds and Bronze? You know I couldn't possibly make these things up ; )

A California girl at heart, I will always be a little in awe of Kentucky. It's got a "flavor" and character like no other place I've lived, and the people are some of the nicest that you'll ever meet. It's been a great place to live these last fifteen years, I must say.

And what a beautiful day it is today; one of those especially rare mornings, not often seen in July, where the temps are still below eighty, and here it is at almost 10 AM! From the sounds of the racket outside, the cicadas (a large homopterous insect with bulging red eyes and long wings) are restless and so am I. It's days like this that put me in the mood to go exploring. So, after a near non-stop writing debauch yesterday (Somebody, please pull me away from the computer keys!) followed by a hair-raising night of illegal fireworks exploding over my head today I'm taking a little hiatus. So, off we go–the kids, the hubby, and I–for a little scenic drive, and who knows? Maybe if we're lucky we'll run into a little "Hee-Haw" shack somewhere along the side of the road that's offering up some interesting fair. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, friends...and y'all come back now, ya here ; )

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A Time For Heroes 2010

2010-06-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

This year, "A Time For Heroes" raised 1.3 million dollars to help in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Their ultimate goal is to halt mother to infant transmission throughout the world. It's a big bite to chew but if anyone can do this, it will be them. Because of early testing during pregnancy and access to anti-viral medicines mother to infant transmission is now quite rare here in America, but unfortunately this is not the case in other parts of the world where infants are still being born at record numbers infected with HIV. It's a vicious cycle that needs to stop.

Mitchell, my fourteen-year-old son spoke at this year's event with his sister and brother by his side. As he recounted our family's struggle and ultimate triumph over HIV I couldn't have been prouder. It was a shining moment for our family and an important step of courage for Mitch.

We've only been open about our disease for a couple of years now. Coming out was a big step for our family, one that we gave much thought to before we openly disclosed. If you are also considering disclosure and children are involved, here are some things that helped us tremendously:

1) If you're going to come out, don't tell just a few people–it's better to come out big! This was perhaps the best bit of advice given to me by a counselor at St. Jude's Children Hospital. When you come out big, it's a one-time shot; everybody knows, therefore rumors and gossip are squelched.

2) Disclose to your child's school and offer to speak and educate about HIV. The Red Cross offers a wonderful educational pamphlet about HIV in schools that proved to be a valuable tool for parents and staff.

3) Make sure that you and your children have a close network of support around you. It's important to have family and friends who know about your situation and wholly accept your child regardless of HIV.

As a parent, it was very important to me that my children grow up without the shame, or the undue stigmas that are sometimes associated with having HIV, and I knew that in order for them to do that, it was up to me to show them that they had nothing to be ashamed of. It took a lot for me to get there, but get there we did. And the acceptance that we've received from our schools, friends and community have been overwhelming. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not filled with gratitude. It's because of people like you, who care, that my children have been made whole.

It is always my hope that by sharing our story we are able to help others who may be grappling with issues surrounding HIV/AIDS. I'm here to say that you can live a normal life...people will love you regardless, so when given the opportunity to use your life, your hardships and victories to make a difference–do not let fear dictate–let the choice be yours alone.

School's OUT for SUMMER : )

2010-06-08T06:06:00.001-07:00

Check out my gangster...er, I mean son at graduation! Eighth grade graduation went off smoothly. This mom even held it together–No ugly cry which is always a big achievement : )

So summer is officially underway in our household and we're lovin' every minute of it. With all this free time the kids and I now have opportunities galore to explore new interests and hobbies. The kiddos have been saving up their allowances for a trip to...The Walmart! I know, I know...but give them a cart and a little cash and you'd think I'd just dropped them at Disneyland...they love it. So, anyway I set them loose and did they ever have fun. After much deliberation, Yonas picked out a skateboard kit. Not the fully assembled kind, but the kind you have to have a mechanical degree to put together...Well, the board was nearly as tall as he is, but he was smitten and there was no way of talking him out of it. Big brother, who happens to be great with his hands, helped him put it together and off he went!

Mitchell, who I swear has grown a foot this year, went for the barbells and weights. I love seeing my young man take an interest in fitness. He is growing up on me. It's still strange looking up at my fourteen- year-old. When his voice changed...it took me forever to get used to it. I'd hear this low, manly voice coming from another room and think we had company.

Alee, my little artist, has taken up the loom AND crocheting. She picked up a whole slue of colorful yarns and different sized hooks. She's already made the cutest hat you ever saw and now I'm trying to talk her into making MOM one of those awesome knitted purses you only find at art festivals. If she's reading this (that was a hint, Alee).

Me? I dusted the cobwebs off of my roller-blades, and finally finished reading The Mercy Of Thin Air while sitting under an umbrella in my backyard...a little slice of heaven, right there.

So far, our summer is off to a wonderful start! I hope yours is too and that you find some lazy days to read that book or pursue that hobby you've been wanting to try.

Encouraging!

2010-06-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

http://cbs5.com/video/?id=65956%40kpix.dayport.com

Technically challenged here...can't figure out how to post the video so pasting the link. Watch it and (try your best not to) weep. Then come back here!

This is so encouraging that I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts and emotions around it, you know? Does this mean that I may truly see my children cured? I know that the answer is, YES!

All sorts of things are going through my head right now. I'm projecting four years into the future, when these trials will be fully engaged and underway. Our oldest child will have just graduated college, unless she decides to go for her masters which wouldn't surprise me. She'll just be embarking on her adult life, still young with so much ahead of her at just twenty-three. Our middle son will be graduating high-school and Yonas, our youngest...he will be on the brink of puberty. And in their bright, beautiful futures is THE CURE. I've dreamt of this. I've prayed for this and now I finally believe I will see this day. On my desk I have a small framed picture of a beautiful sunrise with a quote across the top. I've had it there for thirteen years. It reads, "Believe, dream, will...and put it in the hands of God."

That's all any of us can do, really.

Three cheers for Dr. Hutter and his remarkable insight that will lead us toward a cure one day soon.

The Little Things

2010-05-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

It's game night here in Kentucky and we take our Monopoly VERY seriously. Okay, maybe not THAT seriously, but I do have to say that I'm really enjoying seeing the kids put down all the electronics to enjoy a little old-fashioned, game night fun just like I did when I was a kid : )

Only when I was a kid I don't ever remember being distracted by hot air balloons skirting across the sky. We watched two of them float on past until they dipped down below the tree line and then we headed back inside to our game.

I've gotten a head start on gardening this year. My pepper plant and strawberry patch are already taking off and summer in finally just around the corner! We have exactly six school days left before summer vacation officially starts : ) and yes, I'm counting down the days! This year has gone by so quickly that it seems like Clay and I have hardly had time to catch our breath. We're really looking forward to summer break and the kids being home, a little R & R, and definitely more game nights just like tonight. It truly is the little things that count...

Where's The Cure?

2010-05-16T02:30:00.000-07:00

It's a good question, isn't it? amfAR is working hard to find the answer. May 11, 2010–amfAR, The Foundation for AIDS Research, has announced a groundbreaking collaborative effort to pursue HIV eradication.

My Secret...

2010-05-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Tell people you're a writer, or an AIDS advocate and the response is always a good one. Tell them you make lampshades, and watch their eyes seriously roll to the back of their head. "Lampshades, huh? Oh, that's nice," and they quickly change the subject. I've learned that it's definitely not something to broadcast at cocktail parties, or *clears throat* my blog, for that matter, but today I just figured why not get it off my chest? So here's my confession, "My name is Suzan, and when I'm not writing... I like to make lampshades." *Big sigh* Hey! That felt pretty good. I've even posted a couple pictures of some favorite shades. The one above was made from a silk embroidered Japanese tablecloth I purchased for five bucks on Ebay.

My biggest claim to lampshade fame? A few years ago, I was thrilled to have one of my shades (a little Art-Deco number) place third in a contest and it was later displayed at the American Sewing and Art Expo. I'm especially drawn to period lighting from the twenties and thirties. After my husband replaces the old wiring I go to work on creating the perfect lamp shade. Sometimes I use antique fabrics and appliques. Each fabric panel is sewn by hand, and just one of these little beauties takes about a month to complete. But the results are always worth it!

A beautiful floor lamp from the twenties.

Here's the shade I made for it! One of my favorites...

A lampshade in the making : )

The moral of the story? There isn't one...Have fun today and don't forget to give in to your creative passions no matter how quirky they may seem.

“Creativity is contagious. Pass it on.” — Albert Einstein

One Lucky Mama ; )

2010-05-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is finally here and I'm one lucky Mama : )

Last night, we were up late watching Avatar (If you've not seen it yet, you've got to...is really great) well, as soon as midnight hit, the kids declared that it was officially Mother's Day, "Now let the hugs begin!!" Big bear hugs from my babes...that was just the start. This morning they gave me something I really wanted (and shamelessly hinted for), one of those hanging upside down tomato plant things. It's AWESOME. Too heavy to hang on the iron hook they got though, so we got a little creative.

The ice-storm of 'o9 killed a very big cedar tree in our back yard. Well, we've procrastinated and not cut it down and as it turns out it is perfect for "hanging" things, like colorful bird houses and yes, my new hanging tomato planter. I think I'll add a few "hanging" pepper plants, too. It's still a work in progress, but is turning out to be pretty cool so I'll post pics when I'm all done.

Now, we're off to do a little grocery shopping for a very sweet, and very special eighty-year-old lady...my mom. She is getting a hanging tomato plant too, BTW.

When we get back home, I've got a special movie night planned with three awesome kids and one hunky husband. We're going to snuggle on the couch in our PJ's, eat popcorn and watch old movies. I can't wait. Wishing all you mom's (and families) out there a wonderful day filled with lots of love and big bear hugs!

Today is World AIDS Orphans Day

2010-05-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

This video is difficult for me to watch, but I think it's important for us to see what HIV anti-viral medicines can do for even the sickest children. I've seen this happen first hand, when my own children where literally brought back to me... I hope you take a moment to watch this miracle.

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WORLD AIDS ORPHANS DAY

2010-05-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

May 7th is World AIDS Orphans Day. It's hard to comprehend the numbers, but it's estimated that there are currently 15 million children worldwide orphaned by AIDS. Those numbers are expected to jump to a staggering 20 million by the year 2010. As daunting as this crisis is we are continuing to make strides in the right direction. There is no greater gift for these children than the gift of hope. There are a lot of great organizations out there, and they're working hard to help these children survive. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is just one of them. It's a great place to start.

My son, Yonas, was an orphan. That's his picture above. It was taken shortly before he came home to America. My son was fortunate in that after he lost his family to AIDS, he was taken in and well cared for by an orphanage for positive kids in Ethiopia called AHOPE For Children . Yonas now has a family who loves him dearly, and he has hope for his future. The great news is that many of these children, orphaned and living with HIV, are now being adopted. Hope–it's just a word–until you feel it, and then "hope" becomes a real and powerful thing! To learn more about adoption and what its really like to raise a child with HIV check out my story published in Adoption Today!

Yonas on the "green"

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Derby Daze

2010-05-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Ma! What's that up in the sky? Is it a bird...is it a plane?
It's three very cool planes! Ever wonder what folks do in Kentucky for fun? Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I do know that for us Derby week is an absolute blast. Here are just a few highlights from our week that started out with an amazing airshow.

These fighter jets from WWII were really something to see!

Can't forget the fire-works afterward...

And the balloon races are pretty unforgettable, as is the quest to find the perfect Derby hat... Or not.

And before you know it...

The fastest two-minutes in sports is over, but boy was it ever fun and I can't wait to do it again next year : )

Waiting on the Sunrise...

2010-04-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

There are few constants in our ever changing world, but one thing's for sure, no matter how dark the night...the sun will always rise. This particular photo was taken in Africa. Beautiful, isn't it? I often get up early just to watch the sun rise. It's when I feel closest to God. You can find Him anywhere–be it in the beauty of the sky, the trees or even in the eyes of a kind soul. A sunrise, something we so easily take for granted offers up something extraordinary–the promise of a new day–a day that will hopefully bring us one step closer to whatever dream, need or answer we may be searching for.

I often get e-mails from people who are thinking of adopting a positive child, and sometimes I receive a heart-felt note from someone who's been newly diagnosed with AIDS. They say that I offer them hope because my life seems so normal and happy. I am happy. This surprises even me sometimes. True, life has it's ups and downs and more than likely all of us will at one point or another face some sort of "life challenge." I know I have. There was a time when my kids were very sick that my heart hurt so badly that I really wasn't sure that I was strong enough. Luckily, that's where family, friends and faith usually pick-up where we ourselves drop off...lifting us up and moving us forward.

Thirteen years ago I made a conscious decision. I decided that HIV had taken enough from me, I wasn't going to let it steal my joy or ruin one prized moment that I had left with my children or the people I loved. Thirteen years ago, I also found hope; hope for one more good year, hope that my children would grow up, and now I hold hope for a cure. HOPE. Let that word sink in, and then reach for it because it's stronger than fear, stronger than a bad medical report, stronger than anything bad that can come up against you. And when you have hope, miracles happen. Thanks to research and people who refused to give up today we are making great strides toward curing diseases that were previously thought incurable–HIV being one of them.

My life is not perfect. My children and I still have HIV. We still have to take medicine every day to keep the virus undetectable. But here's the truth; life doesn't have to be perfect to be joyful and purposeful. You can be utterly flawed and your true friends will still love you, go figure! A good day isn't always one filled with sunshine and ease. Sometimes, a good day can come between ragged breaths and tears; between life's inequities and unjust circumstance. A beautiful moment...it can last a lifetime or just a heartbeat. It's for us to decide.

Today, no matter what your challenge surround yourself with hope, love and sunrises...it's what sustains us all.

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The Laundry Can Wait...

2010-04-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

What to do on a Wednesday afternoon? LOTS, I'm sure, if you're a busy mom like I am. Hmmm, let's see... My lawn is in desperate need of a good mowing, I have a laundry basket growing as high as Mt. Everest calling my name, not to mention a to-do list that grows longer much quicker than shorter, but you know what? All that stuff can wait because the way I see it my kids will only be kids for so long and I want to enjoy them. So yesterday, my husband and I put life's duties on hold and surprised the boys after school with an afternoon of golf.

The weather was gorgeous and although I'm not much of a golfer, I do drive a pretty mean cart. The boys? Well, you couldn't wipe the smiles off their faces. We had a great time, and guess what? The laundry didn't go anywhere. Nope, it was still waiting for me when we got home ; )

A waterfall on the ninth hole
Golf Carts and winding roads... Great practise for when he gets his driver's license in a couple years.

One step closer.

2010-04-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

EndHIV.com from Ana Maria Hermida on Vimeo.

GONE TO THE DOGS : )

2010-03-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

CHARLIE'S NAP TIME.

*Big Sigh* Ahhh... Sunday. It's the day before Monday–one day after Saturday and quite possibly the best day of the week. A day to rest up, relax and re-charge for what one can only hope is a productive week ahead!

I'm neck deep in edits and used last week to move a few short-story pieces forward with the intent of entering them into some literary contests that I've come across. Contests–if a writer can place in one, are an almost sure bet to getting an agent's attention.

The competition is stiff as well-established literary journals receive thousands upon thousands of submissions, but you never know, some lucky writer has to win, right? So last week and the week forthcoming that's what I'll be busy doing, but today, I will push away from the computer keys (after this post, that is) and I will re-charge : )

Sunday. Is there any better day? I think not, and my pal, Charlie seems to agree!

The Boy Who Cried "Hawk"

2010-03-24T11:31:00.001-07:00

Yonas, my gregarious eight year old came running in the house the other day. His eyes were big and his face animated. He said, "Mom! This giant bird like thing–looked like a owl or something- just crashed into my head and almost carried me away!"
Now, you have to know my Yonas. He's been known to stretch things a bit to make a story really good, so in my mind I'm thinking it was maybe a sparrow that sort of darted across his path, right?

"No Mom! It was really BIG!! And it attacked me!" He grabbed his head and yanked his hair. "I think it wanted to eat my head!"

I started to laugh at his silly antics. I smiled wisely and patted his head. "Yonas, now what have I told you about exaggerating the truth? Don't you remember that story about the boy who cried wolf?"

He nodded his head. "Yes, he didn't tell the truth and when he did nobody believed him."

"Right. Now come on, let's forget about the giant "attack" bird that tried to carry you off and let's go make some lunch, how about it?"

He shrugged."Sure mom, okay...but I'm not joking, really, the bird tried to eat my head." He looked up at me with sweet, brown eyes. "Can I have salami?"

"Yes, Yonas, you can have salami." And that was about the extent of it...until about a week later when there was a letter from animal control in my mailbox that went as follows:

RE: Red Shoulder Hawks

We have received several phone calls about a pair of very aggressive hawks roosting in a tree near the creek along Blank Drive.
These hawks have a nest with eggs in it. That is why they are being so aggressive. The eggs should hatch very soon, then the parents will be busy feeding the baby hawks, and hopefully not have time to attack people walking by.

We suggest that you avoid the area for the time being. If that's not possible, then wear a hat to protect your head, and carry an umbrella. The birds will hit the umbrella or you can swing it to defend yourself should they attack.

The letter went on to say about what hawks like to eat (mice, rats rabbits, snakes, frogs) and that they probably wouldn't carry off any children...

Well, if Yonas was the boy who cried wolf, then I'm the mom that ate crow! I showed Yonas the letter and we told Dad and everybody ended up having a good laugh. "I told you so, MOM!!" He laughed.
I raised my right hand, "Yonas, I promise that I will never doubt you again!"
And I won't! The next time Yonas comes to me with a big whopper of a story, you can bet that I'll believe it! : )

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Health Care Costs and HIV

2010-03-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

One of the most daunting aspects of having HIV today for me is not the virus itself, if you can imagine, but the worry that I could lose my health coverage and access to the life-saving medicines that have enabled my children and I to stay healthy and productive–driving the virus so low in our bloodstreams that the virus is rendered almost uninfectuous. I cannot imagine what would have become of us had it not been for our having health insurance.

We did come close to losing our health care once, years back, when my husband was laid off at work and the health care that was provided through his employer was in danger of expiring. Had we not been able to secure an individual health care plan within the allotted time given, we would not only have lost our coverage, but also our ability to secure another policy due to mine and my children's pre-existing illness (HIV). I don't even know how to describe how helpless and frightening that was.

HIV medicines and health coverage are very expensive and many people here in our own country cannot afford it. Each and every year the cost of our insurance goes up by the hundreds. There are no caps and no competition to drive the prices down. We have no choice but to pay it as without the medicine, we would die. I don't want to say that our health insurance carrier has tried to price us out of the game, we're fortunate in many aspects just to have it, but how many middle-income families do you know who have to pay $1,900 dollars each and every month for their family's health care? On top of that, there are still the doctor and prescription co-pays that run anywhere from twenty to fifty dollars. There's a lot of money being made off of an illness that is now manageable–yet still incurable.

We've all heard the old adage, "If it isn't broken, don't fix it." The problem though, is that our current system for health care isn't working for many American people. I'm hoping that the new health care bill passes today as it not only gives people like myself security and options, but also creates the necessary incentives for health-care companies, and big-business pharmaceuticals to grow more competitive with their pricing, as well.

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Happy Apples

2010-03-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I'm flipping through the pages of The Saturday Evening Post when I come across this old-fashioned recipe for baked apples on the grill. First off, let me shamelessly admit that I am not, nor will I ever claim to be, the apple baking, pie crust rolling type, but sometimes life warrants that you step out of your box and try something that you otherwise would never EVER do. That said, my girl, Alee and I are taking a totally out-of-character, off the charts big chance by baking apples today. There's nothing chancy about baking apples, you say? Well, then you haven't seen Alee and I together in the kitchen before. This could get very messy VERY quick. Stay tuned, friends...

We did it!! : ) Okay, so the apples have been in the oven for about fifteen minutes now and I'm not kidding when I say that my whole house is smelling crazy, happy, wonderful good! Which is a welcome thing because this weekend did not get off to the greatest start. Friday began with a hail storm and it's been drizzling rain ever since. With no outside play, the boys have been glued to the PlayStation for hours, but I've got a feeling "the apples" may bring them out of their cave very soon. In fact, I think I hear them coming now : )

I was right... Happy apples, happy kids! A great rainy day recipe, for sure : )

(Pre-heat oven 375 degrees)

4 medium tart apples, cored (I like honey-crisp)

1/3 cup raisens

1/3 cup flaked coconut

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

*Boil 1/2 cup of water and pour into bottom of pan and bake for 30-40 minutes (until tender but not mushy) or, if it's not raining, wrap in foil and stick on the grill for 20!

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There's No Place Like Home

2010-03-04T08:27:00.001-08:00

Hilbillie shack somewhere in KY

There's no place like home. Sun's shining in Kentucky–laundry's going–the songbirds outside are singing, and I just finished up with a couple carefully selected agent queries and hit the send button. Life is good...verging on great, even. I have to admit though, that this time every year I get the itch to travel. I'm sure that it has something to do with the long, cold winters. There's just so much that I want to see and do!

This desire to hit the open road may also have something to do with my upbringing. My mother was a bit of a "Gypsy," and growing up we never stayed in one place for very long. This had its drawbacks, but the experiences and adventures we had I wouldn't change for anything. It was very exciting as a child to whiz across a state-line marker at sixty-miles an hour. "Welcome to Nevada!" or "You are now entering Utah" We'd dine in roadside eateries and stay in rainy night hotels while we were in transit. What struck me the most, though, was how the minute we'd cross a state line, everything changed. It was like some invisable shift. The weather, the terrain, and especially the people, just like that–changed. Not only did they look differently, but even the way people talked was different. Yes, beautiful Californians you too have an accent!

Born in Pocatello, Idaho I lived in five different states and went to more schools than I care to count, all before the age of seventeen. It wasn't until I met and married my husband of now twenty-two years that all that changed. We moved to Kentucky when our oldest daughter was just four and we've lived here now for fifteen years! I guess you could say I've grown roots. It was very important to me that my children have stability. I wanted them to have a sense of community and belonging. Most importantly, I didn't want them to have to change schools multiple times as that had proved difficult for me. Roots. They are a good thing, but so is adventure and exploring the world around you. I'm grateful for every experience I had growing up, and as winter drones on I find myself eager for warm weather and opportunities to hit the road, but no matter where I go or what adventure in life I seek, it's nice to know that I will always come back to where the laundy's going and the songbirds are singing; the place where all my dreams were born...that place I chose to raise my children, no matter what, will always be home.
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"Girls Day Out"... Plus a Boy Or Two.

2010-03-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

From about the time my oldest, Alee, was four or five we began having what we called our "Girls Day Out." We'd usually go hang out somewhere fun, catch a movie, or go have a fancy lunch somewhere complete with white linen napkins and decadent desserts. Whatever we did–the only for sure thing was that it always ended with ice-cream.

I have to add here that I've adjusted pretty well to my girl being away at college. I'm actually down to one box of tissue which is way better than my usual four! : ) Still, heart of iron that I am, I do look forward to seeing little glimpses of her on the weekends. Last weekend we'd made fabulous plans to go see a play, and then as luck had it I came down with a lousy cold that nixed our day. The weekend before that Alee'd had plans with her friends, SO, I was counting down the days for this Saturday to roll around. Finally, it was the weekend and my college girl was home! And then one thing happened after another. First, Clay was now down with my rotten cold, and no way could I ask him to watch Yonas. Big brother, Mitch was a no-go because he had a movie date, and needed a ride... Our "Girls Day Out" was not looking good.

And then we got an idea. We revised our "G-D-O" to include a boy, or two. Hey, why not? Yonas certainly enjoyed the attention, Mitch made it to the movies, and we girls still got to end the date with–you guessed it–ice-cream! And in the end, a good time was had by all : )

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Dreaming the Story...

2010-02-20T13:58:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder where writers find ideas? Do they just fall from the trees like leaves in autumn or are they born out of real life experience? I would like to say that my life and my experiences have been exciting enough to conjure up a "best-seller" but truth be told, probably not! What I am, though, is an avid observer; that and I have a terribly over-active imagination, jet-fueled by curiosity. I love to watch and wonder. For me, a great story can be born out of something I see, like an old photograph, or even just a setting, like an old country road. I start wondering where it goes and just who lives at the end of it.

Photos move me. An intriguing photograph can set off a myriad of questions and opportunities for my imagination to fill in the blanks. I always say that writer's are just shy actors. Instead of acting on a stage, we "act out" in our heads, breathing life into our stories and characters. I think the biggest thrill comes when my voice fades and my character's takes over. That's when I know that I'm really writing; when I have to ask, Where did that come from?

Research is another aspect of writing that I adore. There are things in the novel I just finished that I knew nothing about, but had to learn because the character deemed it necessary. I wanted to create a believable character, one filled with vulnerability and the naivety of youth, and put her in an unimaginable circumstance, some of it beyond her control and some of it her own making. And from there, it was up to her to find the inner strength that we all must muster at one time or another in our lives to survive whatever difficulty life throws our way.

Here's another picture that served to inspire the character and heroine in my novel. Wouldn't this make an interesting cover? Unfortunately, I will have no control over how the cover turns out when we finally get there, but it's fun to dream.

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A Valentine's Surprise

2010-02-13T05:42:00.000-08:00

So, this Valentine's Day I'm stumped. What do you get the man who means everything to you? The man who, after almost twenty-two years and three children together, you would say "yes" to all over again? The man who's carried you when you fell flat, made you laugh when you thought you might cry, loved you through thick and thin–the good hair days and bad? It's not as easy as it sounds. I've done the cards, the poems, the talking teddy bears and romantic dinners. But this year I want to do something special! Something that is truly a token of my love for him and I want it to be a surprise! My husband is wonderful at surprises! He LOVES to SURPRISE me. I, on the other hand, hate being surprised, and he knows this, because I tell him, "Honey, I hate surprises!" Does that stop him? Of course not. Each Christmas, birthday and yes, Valentine's...he goes to great lengths to pull one over on me. And he knows my one weakness. I'm a "peeker" through and through. If there is a gift to be found, shook, or "accidentally" opened–I'm guilty of doing so. My husband has gotten wiley... one year he surprised me with a pair of beautiful ruby earrings taped to a rock, and wrapped in four different sized boxes–with duct tape. Another year it was Dave Mathews Band tickets hiding inside a Hershey's wrapper. And then, possibly his most ingenious, are the gifts he plants (knowing I'll find them) just to throw me off track; one year I opened a can-opener for Valentines–SURPRISE!! Good one. Me, I'm not so good at coming up with wonderful surprises, but I'm going to give it my best shot. For Valentine's Day this year, I will give him the best gift I can possibly give. I will give him my heart and my love, always. I'm pretty sure its all he's ever wanted. I hope he is surprised ; )
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SOME UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS

2010-01-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

World AIDS Day-San Francisco.

YONAS GETS A BEHIND THE SCENES LOOK AT THE GOOD MORNING AMERICA SET

WHAT A SMILE! THIS WAS TAKEN ON HIS FIRST DAY HOME FROM ETHIOPIA. ALEE, MITCH AND YONAS POSING FOR POZ.COMING OUT IN POZ MAGAZINE
WORLD AIDS DAY IN SAN FRANCISCO
MITCH AND YONAS SHARING A BROTHER MOMENT

Snow Day...

2010-01-07T05:21:00.000-08:00

SNOW DAY-'10
It's another snow day! Schools closed and roads disappearing beneath the snow... A good day for an Eskimo here in Kentucky! We get some serious weather here in the South, let me tell you! The first year I moved here from California, (I was so happy to leave earthquakes behind) only to be welcomed with a good old-fashioned tornado that wiped a neighboring county clean to the bone. As if that wasn't enough, our very first summer here was met with a record heatwave! Oh, and let's not forget the ice-storm to end all that lasted fourteen-days and took out nearly all the power in Louisville for weeks on end. It wasn't all bad, I learned that I could actually survive without my computer and the kids learned how to play Poker. One thing's for certain! When conversation lulls here in the South, we can always talk about the weather. Here's a few highlights in pictures...

THE ICE-STORM OF '08

RAINBOW AFTER THE TORNADIC STORM OF SPRING '09

KIDS SNOW DAY '08

Dream Big... It's a Brand New Year!

2009-12-31T05:15:00.000-08:00

Determination, good joo-joo and a little luck will get you everywhere!

I can honestly say that I've never made a New Years resolution that I've not achieved, and I will tell you the secret to my goal setting success shortly, but first let's talk about you, the New Year and what resolutions you may or may not be contemplating as 2010 rolls this way. Really, so much depends on what stage of life you're at. In my twenties my goals were... Lose that 5lbs, find a better job and naturally meet Mr. Wonderful. In my thirties, married with children, I owned a hair salon and much of my life revolved around long hours and unsatisfying work. I adored my clients and loved doing hair–what I didn't enjoy was trying to be and do it all. The hours were long (eleven plus hour days) my children young, and I was struggling with my decision to run a business when, in fact, all I really wanted was to be a mom. That year, unhappy and under much strain, my resolution was simply–to enjoy life more. As understated as that particular goal seemed at the time, it proved to be the most important resolution I would ever make. Enjoy life more. Think about it. Isn't that why we make resolutions in the first place–to make our lives more satisfying? Making that one resolution led me to do a lot of soul searching, which in turn led me to leave the salon business and pursue my true passion–writing–which enabled me to be an at home with my kids–which led me to adopt another child... All of which helped me to achieve my current state of affairs. Enjoying life, am I? I must admit that I am. After much trial and error, I've finally found my true calling and it's not one that interferes with my life, my children, or my joy.

If you're exactly where you want to be, congrats and more power to you! If you're still working to get there, ask yourself these two all-important questions:

1. What would make me enjoy my life more?

2. What steps do I need to take to get there?

Remember when I said that I'd never set a resolution that I'd not met? Here's the secret. Write it down! Writing your wants and needs down on paper sets them into motion. Write the goal you want to accomplish, and then below it, the baby steps you can take to get there. Remember, even small steps in the right direction WILL get you there eventually. DREAM BIG this year!

New Years Resolutions–2010

1. Good health.

2. Good fortune.

3. Good joo-joo : ).

4. Good Literary Agent.

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The Journal

2009-12-26T08:16:00.001-08:00

Do you have a passion, or something that you're particularly drawn to, but you have no idea why? Me too. I have a girlfriend who has a "thing" for frogs and another who collects clown dolls. She has them everywhere! Whatever floats your boat, right? Me, I've been collecting book and writing paraphernalia for ages. Over the years, it's turned into a wonderful collection of books, journals and bookends that I've found from all over. The books are many. They line my shelves and desks as do my prized bookends; one of my favorite, a pair of wonderful Foo Dogs that my husband picked up in Japan Town, when we were in San Francisco two years ago for World AIDS Day.

And then there are the journals... I love journals. I've been collecting them ever since my sister bought me my very first one as a gift for my twelfth birthday. I've never told her, but that very thoughtful gift changed my life. You see, growing up, I was an almost painfully shy child. It was very difficult for me to express myself, or speak up even. Writing became a wonderful outlet for me; a way for me to release all the feelings and thoughts I was too quiet to share. As I grew up, and my shyness faded, the desire to write never left me. Putting words and stories down on paper–it has become as natural and necessary for me as the air I breathe.

A few months back, with most of my journals and notebooks full, I started searching for one more to add to my collection. I'd been especially drawn to one in particular. It was without a doubt the most enchanting journal I'd ever laid eyes on; deep, emerald green with an embossed cover, and hundreds of blank white pages just begging to be filled. Every time I'd walk through that B & N door, I'd go straight to it hoping that it was still there. Naturally, it was too much money, so I'd just gaze a bit, then move on.

I never made mention of it, so you can only imagine my surprise when, Christmas day, I unwrapped a box with a beautiful gold ribbon, and inside it lay the journal. What a wonderful, unexpected surprise! Christmas truly is a magical time. It is late now, and as Christmas comes to an end and the sky outside grows dark, I turn on the table lamp that sits on my writing desk and reach for my new journal, its blank pages waiting to be filled with the magic of words, and stories too important to be forgotten...

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The Gingerbread House!

2009-12-23T04:40:00.000-08:00

Yonas, Charlie, and the amazing gingerbread house...
Such a good helper!! But hey! Wait a minute...Where'd all the jelly-beans go?!

A boy and his dog. Is there anything cuter? I can only think of one thing... The boy and his dog making a gingerbread house together! When Alee and Mitch left their little brother to finish decorating the house with gumdrops and jellybeans, good 'ol Charlie, our (jellybean loving) dog, decided to get in on the action. It was no surprise to discover that Charlie (and Yonas) love jelly beans–a lot!! And I must admit, quite a few went missing! We had just enough to finish the roof, but forget about a door! But hey, who needs a door, right? Especially when it tastes as good as a jellybean : )

The Greatest Gift...

2009-12-20T11:04:00.000-08:00

Clay and I putting up our first Christmas tree in 1987
Our baby girl, born December 1990

Merry Christmas... Kentucky style!! I hope you are filled with joy and blessings galore this year. Christmas–It can be a hectic and demanding time. So much to do! I never seem to get it all done, but I gave up stressing over it a long time ago. I'm that lady with the squeaky cart wheeling down the Walmart aisle on Christmas Eve looking for double A batteries... Never fails! But it doesn't matter because I love Christmas, and all the wonderful memories it conjurs up.

I met my husband twenty-two years ago, about this time of year. He proposed to me in December. I'll never forget that first Christmas, and our decorating the tree together. It was a very crooked tree and we never did get it to stand perfectly right. In fact, we ended up putting a paper back book under one corner to make it look straight. Whatever works, right? I remember watching Clay carry in that crooked tree–he was so proud–smiling from ear-to-ear. And I remember knowing at that instant that he was the man I'd spend the rest of my life with.

Our first child was born by c-section right before Christmas in 1990, just a few years after Clay and I were married. Again, Christmas that year wasn't perfect. In fact, it's just a blur. I think we managed to put a tree up, but between the late night feedings and my recovering from the surgery, I honestly can't even remember decorating it. What I do remember is holding that beautiful little angel, and singing "Silent Night" to her while she slept in my arms. THAT is the closest to perfect that I'll ever come.

Fast forward twenty-two Christmases later... Right now, Yonas, my youngest, is making himself a hotdog while singing, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." Alee, my beautiful baby girl, who just celebrated her nineteenth birthday, is home on college break. And Mitchell, my almost fourteen-year-old, is getting ready to paint a masterpiece with the art set his Mamaw gave him just last night. Clay's cheering on a football game downstairs and I'm...smiling. Our life hasn't been perfect, but do I love the way it's turned out? Absolutely. Is my tree this year straight? Of course not, but I love it just the same as if it were. As I continue with my squeaky cart down the aisles of Walmart, Christmas growing ever near, I hope for you and yours a wonderful (perfect ; ) as can be) season filled with the greatest gift of all... What is that, you ask? The greatest gift is one that fulfills a need. What is it that you need right now? Me, I'm thirsty for a glass of water. Such a basic need, and one I take for granted on a daily basis, but it's a need that goes unmet in many other parts of the world, such as Africa, where my youngest son was born. I think this time of year our hearts open just a little wider to those less fortunate than ourselves. So give wisely and from the heart this year to someone in need. That, my friend, is without a doubt, the greatest gift of all!

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Christmas on Waldo's Mountain

2009-12-06T13:56:00.000-08:00

Hey! It's cold up here!

Where did Dad go?!

Cute little winter girl

Are you sure that knot will hold, honey?

Do you ever wonder where our holiday traditions come from? Yep, me too. I think many are passed down to us from our own families, some come from friends and others we just seem to pick up as we go. Christmas wasn't always a happy time in my home when I was a child. My mother often seemed to get sad around Christmas and although she would try to hide it, children pick up on these things. I'm sure that being a single mom who worked full time yet still had difficulty making ends meet played a large part in her discontent. Still, we always put up a tree, and my mother who very rarely cooked would on Christmas Eve, put on a meal fit for a king. So, from her I took those two happy traditions, putting up a tree and putting on a fabulous Christmas dinner. During my early teen years, I had a close girlfriend whose mother, even on a bad day, could rival Martha Stewart. I remember it was so much fun to hang out at their house during the holidays. They were like Leave it to Beaver meets Emeril. Could this lady ever cook! Ever had homemade beef jerky? She would marinate it all day and then hang it on her oven racks. While it cooked, we'd sit at the kitchen table stringing real cranberries to hang on the tree. When we finished, she'd pull the strips of jerky off the racks and we'd get to sample it while it was still warm. No, I'm not kidding! Those two traditions I adopted from her family. Some of the most fun traditions, I think we just sort of pick up along the way. Take this morning for instance. Every year Clay and I go round and round about a tree. He likes the kind that come in a box with the lights already attached and I like the good smelling kind that you have to haul home on top of your car. So we compromise, some years we do it his way and other years we do it mine. This year we did something totally different. We drove to a Christmas tree farm. Well actually, we got lost trying to find the Christmas tree farm and then when we finally did find it (down a long stretch of road that led deep into the woods) the place was closed... But the owner, who happened to be rabbit hunting, after hearing how far we'd driven, decided to let us drive up the hillside to pick out a tree. It didn't take us long to find the perfect one–a seven foot tall Scottish Pine. We had a lot of fun up there on the Christmas tree farm. It's definitely a new tradition that I hope to continue. It's true what they say, it's the little things that really count. Traditions–no matter how seemingly incidental–give our children (and we grown-ups too) something special to remember and look forward to during the busy holidays! So whatever your traditions, be them old or new, big or small, you need only remember one thing... Just enjoy them! Our children will grow up but the joyous memories we create today will be something they remember and pass down to their own children. If you have any traditions you'd like to share I'd love to hear them! Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season.

The "Design Team" did such a great job!

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Toot your horns people... My novel's finished!

2009-12-04T11:11:00.000-08:00

A beautiful fountain in the heart of Madison, Indiana

Besides my family, I'd have to say that my biggest passion in life is writing. It always has been. Even when I was a young girl, I turned to books and writing at every pass; a habit that's followed me into adulthood. It gives me a great sense of appreciation when someone tells me that something I've written has touched them in some way. I think that's the whole point of writing for me. That and of course the obvious–it's just plain fun. Fiction especially. I have a couple of writer friends who've published memoirs recently. One such writer is Kim Michele Richarson. Her memoir, The Unbreakable Child is a must read. The story is riveting and the writing supreme. If you only read one book this month, this is the one... You will find yourself rooting for justice with each turn of the page!

I really have to commend anyone brave enough to write a memoir. The truth is so much harder to write than fiction. I have a rough draft of my own story buried in a trunk somewhere that one day I will tackle. One day, but not this day! For now, I'll stick with fiction, because it's easier to write and I love the challenge of developing characters and dreaming up compelling plots. I've always had a facination with Madison, a small town in Indiana that stretches along the river. About this time last year, my husband and I made the drive across the Milton-Madison bridge to attend the Chatauqua Art Festival. It was a warm, muggy day and as we sat looking out over the river, soaking up the wonderful music and festivities, a story started to take root inside of me... A story about a girl I didn't know yet, but over the course of a year she would grow to become a friend, and character that I will never forget. Well, I worked very hard and the novel is finished. I can't give away any of the details yet but I can say that two agents in NY have requested a read. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Thanks for visiting today and I'll be sure to keep you posted as to how this new "chapter" in my life unfolds...

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Here Comes the Judge... And He's Shrunk a Little!

2009-12-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

It's official! Yonas's re-adoption here in the States is finally complete and now we can apply for his US birth certificate and SSI number. Some states don't require that you re-adopt, but unfortunately Kentucky's not one of them. It's a rather costly ordeal, but I'm certainly glad to have it done. It was our very last little hurdle to jump and we actually got to meet some great people who helped us along the way. The judge wasn't anything like I expected. (I guess I watch too much People's Court : ) He was super! I think after a long day of handling custody and divorce proceedings, our happy little affair was a welcome reprieve. After the re-adoption proceedings were all done the judge shook Yonas's hand and invited him to come up and try out his fancy chair. Yonas had one word for it... AWESOME!

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HOPE LIVES HERE...

2009-11-30T07:35:00.000-08:00

World AIDS Day '08-National AIDS Memorial Grove in S.F.

This World AIDS Day my heart is filled with so many emotions... Sadness for the lives lost and for the many people who still don't have access to ARV medicines, but I am also filled with a great sense of hope. As daunting as the AIDS crisis is, we are making great strides toward finding a cure and ending the epidemic. Every day brings us one step closer.

There are so many organizations working to raise money to help people who don't have access to medical care and ani-virals. (Red) is a fantastic organization to support if you're looking for a way to make a difference. Along with their partners, (red) has supplied ARV's to 2 million people thus far! Everytime you buy something (red) a portion goes directly into a global fund that reaches around the world to save lives!

I am also feeling incredibly grateful. I am a mother, who came very close to losing both of her children to AIDS, but instead witnessed the miracle of protease inhibitors. These medicines literally brought my children back to me. And then around this time four years ago, my family received yet another blessing. His name is Yonas. Here's the short video below that started our family's journey to adopt. AHOPE is helping orphans gain access to medicine, medical care and schooling. In addition, many AHOPE children have found families, just like Yonas. To read more about our adoption journey follow the link.

This World AIDS Day, when, like me, you're asking yourself what you can do to help, just open your heart and your eyes to the many possibilities. You can and do make a difference!

BLOG MUSIC CAN BE PAUSED AT BOTTOM OF PAGE

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For the Love of Books

2009-11-14T10:01:00.001-08:00

Everybody loves a good book! Today, Clay and Mitch are off to the golf course, so what better way for Alee, Yonas, and myself to spend a few hours than at the bookstore. Diaries of a Wimpy Kid happens to be Yonas's favorite. He's been wanting the new one that came out recently. I've actually read a few chapters (when he wasn't looking of course) and have to admit that it's funny as all get out. Alee, my oldest, is more parsimonious. She's a girl who likes a deal, so she'll be on the prowl for some discounted good reads, I'm sure. I'm sort of a "know-it-when- I-see-it" type who has to take stock of everything before I can decide. I love to read anything from Bram Stoker to Laura Day. My list of favorites are an endless supply of ever-changing titles. Although, one thing I'm stuck on is paper. I won't say that I'll never use a Kindle, just not for reading novels. I can certainly see where a Kindle would come in handy, say for a college student who didn't want to carry around a heavy history book, but a novel–well, that's another story. Personally, I relish the touch and feel of a book. I even like the sound of the turning page. And if it's been one of those truly special books that end up leaving a lasting impression, well, then it turns into a "keeper" that gets stuck up on the bookshelf where I can dust its wrinkled spine once a week. *Big sigh* You know what I'm saying... Come on! For me reading a novel on a Kindle would sort of be like popcorn without the butter. Plus, who doesn't love that distinctive smell of a bookstore? I can't imagine pushing through the doors of B & N and instead of the wonderful, clean smell of ink and paper, getting a deep whiff of battery pack and plastic instead. Don't misunderstand, I'm all for technological advances, but here's hoping that some things never change, like the beauty and mystery of cracking a brand new, hardcover book. So, with that last little sentiment, the kids and I are off to the bookstore! I'll let you know what I find. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and find some time to lose yourself in a really good book.

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Raising Kids

2009-11-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

Albert Einstein
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

I'm often asked, "What is it really like raising children with HIV?" My response may surprise you. In our family, it's really no big deal. It basically consists of medicines taken twice a day and a doctor's visit once every three months. My children are seen at St. Judes Children Research Hospital by an amazing team of doctors, staff, and even a wonderful councelor named Chris, whom my children can talk to about anything from HIV, to dating, to taking their driver's test. It takes an extraordiary individual to dedicate their life's work to helping children and these people have helped our family on so many levels; I don't know how I will ever be able to thank them enough. Having three healthy kids with "zero" virus in their blood is a gift... A miracle that I'll never take for granted.

I, too, have an exceptional doctor here locally, and have also been able to maintain an "undetectable" viral load. My last cd-4 count (immune system strength) was an amazing 1516! I was floored by that number. How is it possible to have lived over half of my life positive (I turn 43 in a few days!!) and to be healthy? This astounds even me! My life isn't perfect by any means. I worry, habitually sometimes, about my children, but with good cause. Just last week, I got a frantic call from the University my daughter attends. They told me she'd blacked out in class, not once, but twice, and that they had called an ambulance. My first thought was, this is it...my life is over. What if she's had another stroke? Terrified, I somehow kept it together enough to get to the hospital, where they had already ran every test imaginable. She was fine. It all turned out alright. It was just a combination of a flu bug, not getting enough rest and her skipping breakfast that day. I told her that if she didn't take better care of herself–no more dorm–she'd have to move back home. She loves her newfound freedom, so I'm pretty sure she'll remember the "most important meal of the day" from now on : )

So, it's not complete roses raising positive kids. As a parent, you worry, but I'm pretty sure all parents do that! For me, the most difficult part of raising positive children isn't the regimen of taking medicine every day or the doctors visit once every few months. It's the worry that perhaps one day our good fortune could run dry; that the medicines will stop working, or side-effects will present themselves. I have to be realistic. Life isn't perfect. We all will encounter bumbs and dips in our journey. Even so, I'm a realist who also believes in miracles. I've witnessed them firsthand. Today, due to recent advances in medicine, children and adults with HIV are now expected to live near normal life spans. If you're someone who is considering adopting a child with HIV, or perhaps you yourself are living with, or loving someone who's infected with the virus... my best advice is to learn all that you can, realize that every situation is unique and no matter what choices you face, don't let HIV stop you from living a fulfilling and purposeful life. And perhaps most importantly––believe in miracles because they happen everyday!

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President Obama Signs Ryan White Act/Lifts Travel Ban

2009-10-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for this huge step forward. This

out-dated law was put into effect before we knew how HIV was and was not spread. It has also created

undue difficulties for parents wanting to adopt a child with HIV. This will save so many lives.

BOO!!

2009-10-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

THE BOYS PREPARING TO "BOO" SOME UNSUSPECTING NEIGHBORS.
WHAT IS A BOO BASKET, YOU ASK?
THIS, MY FRIEND, IS A BOO BASKET!
It's never happened to us before, but over the weekend my family and I were BOO'd!! Yes, that's what I said, BOO'd. If you're looking to get in the spirit of Halloween here's a great thing to do if you have kids (and even if you don't!) that is fun and festive and will put a smile on someone's face.

1. Fill a "BOO basket" with trinkets and treats. (The one left on my door even had adorable "Casper" dish towels)

2. Attach two notes to the basket, one that says BOO!! and another decorative note with instructions. COPY THE EXAMPLE BELOW:

"You have just been BOO'd by a friendly spook!"

Since this is the time for goblins and bats, Halloween spirits, ghosts, and cats, Weird happenings and witches brew, these are the things I wish for you!

May only the spirit you chance to meet be the spirit of love and warm friends.

May the only goblin that comes your way be the phantom and goodies he sends.

So copy this note and make it two. You have only one day or a spell will strike you.

Then pick tow friends and a treat that's yummy. Leave the treat on the doorstep and flee!

Directions:

1. Enjoy your treats!

2. Keep you "Boo" sign on your front door to ward off goblins!

3. Copy this note twice and made 2 plates of treats.

4. Deliver them to 2 friends who have not yet been Boo'd.

HAPPY (ALMOST) HALLOWEEN!!!

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Today's Family Magazine Oct/Nov. 2009 Life's Miracles.

2009-10-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

Mitch, age four, takes a spin on the ice with a skating friend.

A victorious Mitch shortly after he received his yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do!

Today’s Family Magazine

October/November 2009

When Someone’s On Your Side

"An inspiring story about a boy in leg braces who wanted to learn martial arts and the Tae Kwon Do instructor who encouraged him to never give up."

By Suzan Stirling-Meredith

Driving down Highway 146, I saw that sign again–Kentucky Tae Kwon Do and Fitness Academy. My son, Mitchell and I had talked about activities that interested him. More than anything, he wanted to do Tae Kwon Do. He’d brought it up a number of times but I’d not pursued it. You see, Mitchell is handicapped. When he was just seven days old he became very sick with a virus. The first six weeks of his life were spent hooked to a respirator fighting for his life. As difficult as that time was, we were very fortunate; my son did survive, but he was left with a condition called Cerebral Palsy that seriously hindered his ability to walk.

By age eleven, Mitchell had become dependent on a walker and wheelchair to get around. Physical therapy had helped some but as Mitchell grew taller his condition only worsened. Desperate to help him, my husband, Clay and I opted for major surgery. Dr. Laura Jacks, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in Louisville performed this extensive, four-hour long surgery on our son. And it was a success! Six weeks later, the leg casts were cut off and Mitchell took his first tentative steps. I will never forget that incredible moment. What my husband, Clay and I didn’t know yet were that many more incredible moments were to follow.

After the surgery came physical therapy. In order for Mitchell to gain as much mobility as possible, it was crucial that he challenge himself and his new found abilities, but after a few months Mitchell’s drive was waning. He was bored with the routine and it soon became obvious–Mitchell needed an activity that would make him want to use his legs. Something fun.

“Mom! What are you doing?”

We were about to the end of the corner when, on impulse, I flipped a U-turn and headed back in the opposite direction. “You’ll see.” I smiled.

“Kentucky Tae Kwon Do... Really, Mom? Mitch’s eyes lit up as we pulled into the parking lot.

I veered my car into the handicapped spot right up front. We could see a class going on through the large windows. I looked at my boy’s hopeful expression. This meant a lot. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I took a breath. We’d just go in, pick up a brochure and then leave.

My son wobbled in beside me, braces on both legs. I held his elbow to steady him as he took small, stiff steps up the walkway. The do-jang was big and airy with wall-to-wall colorful mats covering the floor. Gold, shining trophies lined the walls. There was a lot of action on the floor. Mitch and I watched a girl execute a palm strike to a stack of boards splitting them clean in half. My breath stopped. What was I thinking? The surgery had helped my son immensely but he was still handicapped. No way could Mitch do this.

Just then Master Sean Ramey, a sixth degree black belt and thirteen-time State Champion, greeted us with a friendly handshake. “I’m Sean Ramey, how can I help you today?”

“We were just driving by and thought we’d come in and get a little information–or a brochure.”

Master Ramey extended his hand toward the open doorway. “Great. Just follow me.”

Mitch and I followed him into his office. I motioned to my son. “He recently had surgery on both knees...and feet. He, um–he has Cerebral Palsy.” I hesitated. “He’s always wanted to do Tae Kwon Do... I’m just not sure...” I looked over my shoulder at the kids kicking and diving through the air. I looked at my son, his eyes downcast. I stopped talking. What had I been thinking? I looked again through the open doorway at the class taking place. A child vaulted high though the air over a stack of pads and landed on the other side without fail. “Thanks for the brochure but this probably isn’t right for him.” I grabbed Mitchell’s arm, turned to leave.

“Wait a minute,” Master Ramey said, rubbing his chin in thought. His eyes traveled again to Mitchell’s legs, the thick braces. “Mitch, can you come here a minute?” He motioned him over. “I want you to try and kick my hand. “ He bent down reached out his hand just above Mitchell’s left shoe.

Mitch’s face contorted with the effort, but he gave it all he had. The movement began at his hip, his face grimaced. His foot lifted only a couple inches off the ground.

“Good job!” Ramey encouraged. “Now let’s try the other!” His voice was full of enthusiasm.

Again, Mitch strained, his other foot came off the ground only slightly.

Master Ramey patted Mitch on the back, then said to me, “If you're looking to work his legs, Tae Kwon Do is all about the legs.” He smiled, turned back to Mitchell. “You want to do Tae Kwon Do, Mitch?” He asked.

He wanted this more than anything. My son shyly nodded yes.

I was stunned. “You mean you think this would be okay for him? Even with his handicap?”

“I think this would be great for him,” he said, matter-of-factly.

Two private lessons later, Mitch was on the floor. Each lesson brought about new challenges. I’d watch from the balcony tears filling my eyes. My son was working so hard but didn’t even realize it because he was having so much fun! Once, only able to lift his leg a few inches, he now was lifting it a foot off the ground. And something else... He was less timid; meeting people’s gazes, speaking with confidence and being challenged in a productive, safe environment. There were tests and there were promotions. One test, Mitchell was awarded a special medal for his achievements. He got a standing ovation that day. His medal hangs in his room as a reminder of his achievements.

Mitchell, now thirteen, boasts a green belt in Tae Kwon Do.

Last Wednesday when Clay and I entered the do-jang we ran into Master Ramey. “Hey, there!” He greeted us warmly, clapping Clay on the shoulder. “Come on in the office. I’ve got something to show you.” He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a sonogram picture and handed it to Clay. “We just found out today... Christy and I are having a baby girl!” He smiled. “It’s like no other feeling in the world.” His face beamed as he talked about the upcoming birth of his first child.

“I’m happy for you, Sean,” Clay said. “Only one thing–you’re not going to stop instructing here at the do-jang with all those diapers you’re going to be changing, are you?” Clay laughed.

Just then a ring of ke-yaps sounded out. Our heads all turned just in time to see Mitch complete a jumping front kick. Master Ramey turned back to us and smiled. “Nope. You don’t have to worry about that. I could never stop teaching. Those kids out there, my family...This is my dream. This is what it’s all about.”

He’s right. Family, our children and community, is what it's all about. My dream, for so many years, was just to see my son walk. Today, not only can he walk but also run, jump and kick even! We all will, at one time or another, face challenges. It helps to have people in your corner rooting for you to succeed. Someone like a Master Ramey, who said to a little boy in leg braces who wanted to learn Tae Kwon, “Good job, Mitch. You can do it!” Thank you, Master Sean Ramey, along with all the other wonderful instructors at Kentucky Tae Kwon Do, for your encouragement and commitment to helping kids realize their dreams.

Mitchell, at age eleven, just weeks after having a surgery that would change his life.

Testing is always a big day. Here, Mitch get's his green belt!

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Curing HIV: Who will get there first?

2009-10-05T04:48:00.000-07:00

The momentum is building. I cannot recall a time, since being diagnosed with HIV thirteen-years-ago, where there have were so many researchers exploring so many different avenues toward not only treating HIV, but most importantly, curing HIV.

Some promising breakthroughs currently under investigation include a scientifically engineered enzyme that attacks HIV’s DNA, literally cutting it out of the infected cells and rendering HIV harmless.

There's also a team of researchers from the University of North Carolina and Merck currently on the forefront of identifying some promising new agents called HDAC Inhibitors. These innovative agents are said to be capable of purging HIV from resting CD4 cells; a key requirement, many researcher’s believe, for any prospect of curing someone of HIV infection.

As exciting as all this seems, perhaps most promising of all was the news of the 42- year-old (HIV-positive) American, living in Berlin, who has had no viral rebound since receiving a bone marrow transplant to cure his cancer. Gene therapy has in fact cured this one man of the HIV virus. Researchers have discovered that a small percentage, around three percent, of Europeans have a what they call a natural resistance to HIV-infection due to a faulty gene. These fortunate few lack the CCR-5 receptor that HIV uses to gain entry into cells. When the HIV positive American living in Berlin came to Dr. Hutter in need of treatment for his leukemia the doctor had the insight to use a bone marrow donor who lacked these CCR-5 receptors. It was a hunch on his part. And it worked! Not only was the American cured of his cancer, but in depth testing has been unable to detect the HIV virus in tissue and blood samples over two years later. Full details were published last February in The New England Journal of Medicine.

Although this may not be a cure that could readily be used on the general population of positives, it certainly opens the flood-gates for further studies into new and innovative ways to use gene therapy to treat, and yes, I'll say it, CURE HIV.

So, you see... The momentum is building. Can you feel it, too? We are going to find a viable cure for HIV. It's just a matter of time. How much time? It could be closer than we think. One thing's for certain–It will be interesting to see just who gets there first.

Currently, anti-retroviral drugs have significantly helped to increase the quality of life for patients, but taking the highly active anti-retroviral therapy (HAART) leads to HIV resistance and adaptation, not to mention the significant side-effects that are also linked to anti-viral therapy.

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AIDS WALK '09

2009-09-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

AIDS WALK '09
The weather for Louisville's 17th annual AIDS walk was perfect. Not as hot as some years past and at the halfway mark, as we crossed over the Belvedere Bridge, music played and a wonderful breeze washed in over the river. There was a tremendous feeling of camaraderie as we all walked across the bridge and back to support and raise monies to help those living with or affected by HIV/AIDS in our community. The walk was also pet friendly this year! They had wading pools along our route for the pets to take little breaks in even. Talk about cute. I'm not sure how many people were there but I can say that I don't ever remember the walk being so crowded. We've got alot of support and alot of people who care. We are not alone in the fight against AIDS.

Their shirts read..."My Mom, My Sister, My Aunt." May she rest in peace.

Taking a little break at the half-way mark.

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